The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits -- C through E

Table of Contents

C.P.R.

The first Scout comes out walking around, he suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. Two other scouts come in talking about just completing their first aid merit badge and find the scout on the ground. They rush to his aid and begin C.P.R.. Adjust head, listen, feel for pulse and then begin (fake) compressions. The other scout counts. After about 3 sets, the other scout yells "switch". Suddenly the scout on the ground gets up, one of the two scouts lies down, and they begin again to administer C.P.R.

Camel Patrol

A Scout dressed in a turban enters the campfire circle. He places a blanket on the ground, kneels and begins to pry. He prays by bowing down and with his arms out-stretched, he chant "Oh Allah, bring me a camel." Repeat a number of times, and then he looks under the blanket. He shakes his head sadly and asks for a volunteer to help him. The two kneel and pray to Allah for a camel. Again the first scout looks under the blanket and finds nothing. He continues to recruit volunteers two or three at a time, each time praying for a camel. (if the volunteers are not really helping then egg them on.) When there is no more room on the blanket for volunteers the first scouts stand and says: "Allah hasn't sent me a camel, but he has sent me a lot of silly jackasses!"

Camp Coffee Sketch

Props: A large cooking pot and mugs for actors

1st Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp coffee is getting worse".

2nd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp tea is getting worse".

3rd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp hot chocolate is getting worse".

4th Scout- (Walks up to pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says) "I thought that would get them clean!"

Can You Do This?

Cast: 2 People, campfire blanket

Have one person lie down on his back and the other kneel directly over him. The top person wears the campfire blanket so as to hide his legs and expose the legs of the person lying down, to create the effect of it being one person sitting down.

Person: Hi there! Welcome to Don's House of Fine Exercises and Sports Medicine. Today I'm going to ask you about your regular stretching routine. Can you do this? (Lifts up a leg so that it's parallel with the chest.) Or this? (Lifts other leg.) And how about this? (Crosses the legs.) This is an unusual one. Can you do it? (Brings feet around the neck.) And let's not forget this one. Can you do it? (Stretches out the legs in spread eagle fashion in the air.) (Elicit a no answer from a volunteer.) Well, neither can I! (Stands up.)

The Candy Shop

Ask for two volunteers, who just stand there in the candy shop.

A customer comes in and asks for chocolate covered cherries. Sorry, no chocolate covered cherries. Peanut brittle? Sorry, just sold our last peanut brittle. Toffee. You must have toffee. Um, well, not today. Licorice? Fresh out of licorice.

Well, what do you have? "Well, all we've got are these two suckers."

-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins

The Candy Store

This one can be really hammed up and included the kid walking up in a dance kind of way and the old storekeeper, being old, very laboriously climbing up a ladder, getting the candy jar, coming down, counting out the candies, and so on.

Cast: Old storekeeper, very young kid (4 years old)
Setting: A Candy Store

Kid: (Kid walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the top.

Storekeeper: You mean those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?

Kid: Yes, please.

Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)

Storekeeper climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.

This scene repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until,

Storekeeper: Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny candies from way up top, right?

Kid: Nope! Not today!

Storekeeper: Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away, then comes down.) Now, sonny, what would you like today?

Kid: I would like three of those penny candies way up at the top!

Candy Store

The leader gives instructions for playing candy store. He asks that one person take a long string and hold on and then adds others until there is a long line of people holding onto the string. Then the leader explains that this is a candy store because there are some suckers hanging on the line.

Candy Store (variation)

A candy store owner enters carrying a long pole. He asks two members of the audience to hold the pole, draping a blanket or sheet over it, explaining that this is the candy store. One by one customers come in asking for different types of candy, to each, the owner replies that he doesn't have any. Finally, a customer asks what he does have. The owner states he doesn't have any candy left except for these two suckers on a stick, pulling the blanket away at the same time.

Change Underwear

Have the boys march in, single file, with one boy leading them like a drill sergeant. The sergeant tells them to stop and addresses them. He tells them he has some good news and some bad news. The good news is that they get a change of underwear. The boys cheer and he cuts them off. The bad news is that they have to change underwear with one another. The boys groan.

Chewing Gum

You will need: 5 Cub Scouts, props should include a lamppost, park bench, tree.

Scene: Park area, Cub Scouts walk on one at a time. This is a pantomime skit and is great to use with younger Cub Scouts and shy boys.

One CUB walks on stage chewing imaginary gum (use exaggerated motions- chewing, blowing bubbles, pulling gum out of mouth, putting it back in), leans against lamppost for a bit, takes gum out of his mouth and sticks it to the lamppost. He then walks off stage. Second CUB comes on stage, leans against lamppost, feels gum stick, pulls the gum off and sticks gum to bench. Second CUB exits. Third CUB enters and sits on bench. Notice gum, pulls it off himself and throws it to the ground. Fourth CUB walks on stage, steps in gum, removes gum from shoe and sticks it to tree. Exits. Fifth CUB enters, leans against tree and finds gum. Removes gum from tree and sticks it on the lamppost. First CUB enters again. Walks up to lamppost, finds gum and sticks it back in his mouth. Walks off stage chewing gum.

Chief Shortcake

Pick a "volunteer" to be the dead Chief Shortcake (adult leader) and have him lie down covering with a towel/sheet except for his head. Have each boy repeat a line on what to do with Chief Shortcake such as: burying the Chief with all his worldly possessions, should be burned in a great ceremonial fire, put in a cave and seal him up, and so on for as many as you need. The last Indian says that they are all wrong, "I bury Shortcake" and squirts whipped cream on Chief Shortcake's face.

Chin Faces

Performers arrange themselves with their heads hanging upside down over the edge of a table with a sheet or other drape covering their body with holes cut out exposing their mouth and chin. Place sunglasses just below the chin in front of the neck for "eyes." The chin becomes the nose, the mouth is the mouth - but upside down, so to smile you need to actually frown. The "chin face" makes a short silly speech or sings a harmonious song. Several "chin faces" in a row can form a singing group or mime a recording. Variation: Have the "chin face" be a chicken instead of a person.

Climb That

Two Scouts meet, and the first scout begins to brag he can climb anything.
Scout 1: "Can you climb that tree?"
Scout 2 "Sure I've done it lots of times."
Scout 1 "Can you climb the steep hill over there?"
Scout 2 "No sweat, no problem for me."
Scout 1 "How about the Empire State Building?"
Scout 2 "Done it, Did it."
Scout 1 "How about Mount Everest?"
Scout 2 "Boy that was I cold day, I've done that too. I told you I am the world's greatest climber, I can climb anything!"
Scout 1 "I'll bet you ten bucks I can show you something that you can't climb."
Scout 2 "Your on!"
Scout 1 pulls out a flashlight and shine the beam up into the sky "all right climb that!"
Scout 2 "Are you crazy? No Way!"
Scout 1 "I knew you would back out, now pay up!"
Scout 2 "I won't pay because its not fair. I know you, I'd start climbing and I'd get half way and you'd turn the flashlight off!"

The Compass

Props: A good compass and a map

Announcer: In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.

Scoutmaster: Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up and, keeping the compass away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing until you reach your destination. John, you try that.

John : (Does as instructed, exits, re-enters)

Scoutmaster: (Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use that to find where you are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that big tree on the hill top.

Other boys : (Do as instructed, passing compass around, making suitable comments.)

Scoutmaster: (After a few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up tonight's compass lesson. There is just one more important point ! Never, never buy a TATES compass.

Tom : Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass ?

Scoutmaster: You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"

The Complaining Monk

"I got this one off of my Part II Scouts. The Trainers did a wonderful job of it and at the blessing just before the monk says his two words, the Abbot would say, in the typical chant tune, "My father plays Dominoes better than your father does..." which was of course hilarious. Having, by pure coincidence, a monk suit with me at the time, my patrol did a skit the following night ("What the heck was that!") that incorporated a monk that chanted, "My father plays Dominoes better than those two guys from last night..." It of course brought the house down. Too bad our punch line not only was nowhere near good enough a line to follow up but was also screwed up." Author

Cast: Monk, Abbot, narrator

Scene: Abbot's office

Narrator: This skit is about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two words every ten years. Our friendly monk is about to come in and say his two words, after ten long years of silence.

Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?

Monk: Bad food!

Narrator: Well, ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He of course is not quite as young as he used to be, and walks a touch more slowly.

Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?

Monk: Uncomfortable bed!

Narrator: Well, yet another ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He is really old at this point, having been at the monastery for thirty, long, devoted years.

Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?

Monk: I quit!

Abbot: I'm not surprised! You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is complain!

Contagious Disease Ward

The scene takes place in the waiting room of a doctor of contagious and communicable diseases, Dr. Ringworm, M.D., L.S.D., V.I.P., L.C.B. Have four chairs and a stand for magazines or books. In walks a fellow (a) with an itch which he scratches periodically in different places. He grabs a magazine and attempts to read but is disturbs periodically by his itch. After a while , a second fellow (B) comes in with a serious hand twitch. B sits next to A. B gradually starts to scratch with the itch, while A's hand starts to twitch. When it has been well established that they have contracted each others' disease, a third person enters with a serious leg twitch. Pretty soon all three have the hand twitch, leg twitch, and itch all over. a fourth guy comes in bouncing all over the place and shaking every muscle in his body. The actions of the four guys become more frantic and are bouncing around in their chairs. Then a boy dressed like a pregnant lady strolls in casually and the other four scramble for their lives. If possible or desired have some jazz music playing in the background for the scouts with the diseases to keep the beat to.

Court Case

Second person walks in with a suitcase. First person already on stage asks where he is going and the first person's reply is that he is going to court. A little while later he comes in with the case and also a ladder. This time he says that he taking his case to a higher court.

Court Scene

Guy brought in - "I'm Innocent! I was just picking up pebbles on the beach!" Two or more with similar stories. Last person comes on stage either dressed like a guy dressed like a girl or a girl, saying, "Hi, I'm Pebbles", in an alluring manner.

Crazy Charlie

The scene is set up so that Crazy Charlie is portrayed as being in a mental institution. It's dinner time and before he can ask for anyone to pass the meat, someone calls out 37 and the room bursts into laughter. Moments later 57 is called out and more laughter results. Crazy Charlie asks the guy next to him what is going on. He is told that everyone knows each others jokes so well that they have numbered the jokes.

After a while Charlie decides to give it a trial and call 52, but no one laughs; there is complete silence. Charlie asks his friend what is wrong. He friend tells him not to worry that there isn't anything wrong, some people can tell jokes and some people can't.

Cub Cookout

Characters: Several Cubs around fake campfire pretending to cook hot dogs on sticks. Two Cubs dressed as mosquitoes--antennae, wings etc.

Setting: Boys around fire keep slapping as if they are being attacked by mosquitoes throughout the skit. As the scene opens, the two mosquitoes enter the stage and continue walking randomly around the boys as they deliver their lines.


Mosquito #1: Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like best?
Mosquito #2: Easy! Skin diving. Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said to the mosquito.

Mosquito #1: No, what?
Mosquito #2: Don't bug me!

Mosquito #1: Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito #2: Sure. My ant.

Mosquito #1: Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito #2: No -- tell me.
Mosquito #1: Hop to it!

Cub #1: These mosquitoes are awful! Lucky I brought the insect repellent. (Pretends to spray air.) (Mosquitoes exit quickly -- choking and gagging.)

Cub #2: (To cub #1) Say, what has 18 feet, red eyes, and long claws.
Cub #1: I don't know.
Cub #2: Neither do I, but it's crawling up your neck.

(All boys run screaming from stage.)

Cub Olympics

Characters: TV reporter, 4 Cub athletes getting ready for the Cub Olympics.

Props: Frisbee for discuss, pile for javelin, bag of cookies, toothbrush and basin of water on stand, fake mike for reporter (can be dressed in suit jacket and have ID for his station on his lapel in large letters)

TV reporter: We're here today to interview the athletes at Pack _____ as they prepare for the challenge of this years Cub Olympics. As you can imagine, it takes months of training and hard work to get these athletes ready to compete. Let's see how they are preparing themselves for the big competition. (turns to Cub #1 with microphone) Tell me, how are you getting ready for your event in the Olympics?

Cub #1: I'm practicing my throw for the discus event. (demonstrates how to throw discus using Frisbee)

TV reporter: Great form! (turns to Cub #2) and you -- can you tell us how you are preparing to compete?
Cub #2: I'm polishing my javelin for the javelin throw (polishes pole with a rag.)

TV reporter: Good luck! (turns to Cub #3) What are you doing today?
Cub #3: I'm practicing for the standing broad jump. (does a couple of practice jumps)

TV reporter: Fine! (turns to Cub #4) And what are you doing to train for the Olympics?
Cub #4: I'm brushing my teeth! (uses basin of water and toothbrush --pretends to brush teeth)

TV reporter: Brushing your teeth! What Olympic event could you possibly be training for?
Cub #4: I'm training for the International Olympic Cookie - Eating event! (pulls out bag of cookies and stuffs some in his mouth.)

Cub Scout Socks

Characters: Den leader, 3 Cub Scouts

Props: A pile of socks on a table. Den leader sits behind table.

Den leader: Boys, I'm pleased to announce that our new Cub Scout socks have arrived! Please step up for your supply of clean socks.
Cub #1: I need four pair.
Den leader: What do you need 4 pair for?
Cub #1: I need them for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Den leader: O.K. Here are your socks. Next please.
Cub #2: I need seven pair.
Den leader: What do you need seven pair for?
Cub #2: For Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Den leader: O.K. here are your socks.
Cub #3: I need 12 pairs.
Den leader: Wow, you must really be a clean guy! So why do you need 12
pair?
Cub #3: Well, there's January, February, March, April...etc.

Cub Shop

Cast: 4 Shoppers, Storekeeper, Kid (in underwear, or nightgown), full uniform
Setting: Store

#1: I'd like to buy the Cub Shirt.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have it!") (Comes back with a shirt.)

#2: I'd like to buy the accessories to the Cub Uniform.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with accessories.)

#3: I'd like to buy the pants to go with the Cub Uniform.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with pants.)

#4: I'd like to buy the right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.

Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with shoes.)

Kid: (Comes running out in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my uniform?

Damn! (or should I say Darn?)

Cast: Director, 2 Workers, Cameraman, Clapperman, Light Man, Soap
Setting: On the Setting of a Movie

Director: Okay, people! Remember what I said about the language! Action!

Clapperman: Scene 5, Take 1!

Worker 1: (Eating lunch with #2) You know, Gerry, the wife is always nagging me for some more money. And I just don't have it.

Gerry: I know what you mean. The (DARN) kids are always ...

Director: Cut! What did I say about the language? You know the rules ... soap in the mouth. (Pantomime director washing out Gerry's mouth with soap.) Okay, let's try that one again. And watch the language!

Continues the same way, but each time something happens where a different person says "Darn" -- clapperman gets fingers caught in clapper (don't do the whole scene over again, of course,) cameraman trips while filming, light person drops light, #1 says "the darn wife ..." Finally, the director is about to start the scene again when he looks at his watch.

Director: Oh darn. Look at the time ...

Cast & Crew: Cut! You know the rules ... (Pantomime washing out mouth with soap)

Dancing Knee Dolls

Paint faces on the knees of the performers. Use dresses (or pants and shirt) to dress the legs as dolls with the arms bulging out. The clothes can be made out of crepe paper, cloth, or real clothing. Cover the upper legs and body with a sheet. Direct a flashlight (spot) onto each knee.

The Dangerous Tent

Cast: 2 guys, 2 bikers
Setting: Campground

#1: Well, time to go to bed. AND I GET THE TENT! (Beats up little guy.)
#2: But... Oh well, it's no use. (He sets up his sleeping bag under the stars.)
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) Ha! Ha! Let's beat up this guy! (They beat up little guy.)

Next morning,

#2: Hey! Last night some bikers came here and beat me up!
#1: You're just jealous that I took the tent. Be a man.

The next night and morning, the same routine occurs, with the little guy complaining even more. Finally, the big guy lets the little guy have the tent, with much ado about him being a wimp. That night,

Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) You know, I think we've beat up on the guy outside enough the past two nights. Let's beat up the guy inside the tent tonight!

The Dead Body

Number of Participants: 2

Scene: One person lying on the ground, dead. Another sees him and runs for the telephone and, panicking, gasps: "Police, there's a dead person here... Where ? .... Uh, (looking for a sign), "I'm at Montgomery and Westchester... Spell it ?... Uh, M-o-t-n... Uh, M-o-t-g,," (confused), "Just a minute, I'll drag him over to King and Elm !"

The Den Mother's Bouquet

Characters: Six Cub Scouts in summer uniform or Cub Scout T-shirts.

Scene: A nature walk.

Props: Cub - fashioned bouquet, with strands of ivy.
Cub 1: Gee, Fellas. I don't think Mrs. Brown's having a very good time.
Cub 2: Well, you didn't help things much, giving her that garter snake.
Cub 3: I was just trying to help her collect stuff for our nature display at pack meeting.
Cub 4: Yeah...and you heard what she said! "Nothin' ever again, that moves by itself."
Cub 3: So...now I know better!
Cub 5: Don't worry about a thing, you guys. I'm gonna fix everything.
Cub 6: Yeah? How?
Cub 5: Well, you know how nutty women are about flowers? So, I picked her this neat bunch of flowers...(he holds up bouquet, with trailing strands of ivy)... See?
Cub 6: Oh no... (wails). We'll never get to go on another hike!
Cub 5: How come?
Cub 6: Cause...that's poison ivy!!

Did You Have V-8?

Cast: Weakling, three or four Thugs, Old Lady, Director, Cameraman
Setting: Street Corner Set in a Studio

Weakling: Hi there. I'm advertising the great effects this wonderful vegetable cocktail, V-8, has on your stamina. You, Sir. (To a tough looking thug.) Did you have your V-8 today?

Thug: Duh, no. Real men don't drink V-8.

Weakling: Sure they do. Watch! (He beats up thug.) See? I had my V-8 today!

You Sir! Did you have your V-8 today?

Thug 2: (Has crowbar) No, I don't need it!

Weakling: Sure you do. (He beats up thug.) You can tell I do! And you Sir! Did you have your V-8 today?

Thug 3: Ask me again and I'll beat you up.

Weakling: Heh, heh. Did you have your V-8 today? (Thug tries to beat him up, but weakling takes care of him no problem.) So you see, having your V-8 is great for you.

An old lady walks in; weakling looks puzzled, whispers to director saying he hadn't heard about an old lady in the script; director says to go on and ask her anyway.

Weakling: Excuse me, Ma'am. Did you have your V-8 today?

Old lady: As a matter of fact, young man, I did -- and I'll prove it! (She beats him up.)

Dinner Special

Characters: two customers, waiter. Let actors develop actions and dialogue from the situation

Props: table with tablecloth, candles, menus, etc. Most important - a storybook

Two customers enter a fancy seafood restaurant, study the menus, etc. Waiter arrives to take orders

One customer orders shrimp, the second says, "I'd like a lobster tail, please."

Waiter says appropriate things, goes away, returns with a storybook, sits down near customer two but face audience and begins to read; "Once upon a time, there was a little lobster...."

Doctor! Doctor!

The secret to success with this series of quickies is to keep them moving along. You can have one doctor and different patients, but it may add greater rush and flurry if a different doctor and patient fly in and out for each quickie.

Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a set of drapes.
Doc: Pull yourself together!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Am I going to die?
Doc: That's the last thing you'll do.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Doc: Next!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My back feels like a deck of cards!
Doc: I'll deal with you later.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! What's wrong with me?
Doc: Have you had this before?
Pat: Yes.
Doc: Well, you've got it again!
Doc: You'll live to be 80.
Pat: I am 80.
Doc: See!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I've got insomnia.
Doc: Don't lose any sleep over it!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My friend's doctor told him he had appendicitis and, two weeks later, my friend died of heart failure.
Doc: Don't worry. If I tell you you've got appendicitis, you'll die from appendicitis!

Doctor's Office

First patient comes in hiccuping and asks to see the doctor. The second patient comes in cross-eyed, with a silly look on his face. The third person can't control his muscles and is all jittery. They are all asked to sit down. The first person is asked to go in. There is a real commotion and the patient comes out fine. The same thing happens to the second and third patients. The nurse tells the doctor it is time to go home. The doctor emerges with the symptoms of all his patients and goes offstage.

Doggie Doctor

A person comes to a psychologist and says that he needs help, he thinks that he is a dog, holding up his hands like a dog begging. Through out the skit the person acting like a dog, does dog-like things, like scratching behind his ear, whining, etc. Doctor asks how long he has had this problem. Ever since he was a puppy is the reply. The doctor asks if he will lie on the couch but the person says that he can't since he can't get on the furniture. Doctor's advice is to make sure that he gets all his shots and don't go chasing any cars.

Doggie Doo

Cast: Two friends, doggie doo
Setting: Street

Two friends are walking along the street, perhaps having a conversation about something, talking about a movie or the latest hockey scores, when all of a sudden --

John: Hey Frank! Watch out! That may be doggie doo! Smell it to see if it smells like doggie doo!
Frank: (Smells it) Yep! Smells like doggie doo!
John: Touch it to see if it feels like doggie doo!
Frank: (Touches it) Yep! Feels like doggie doo!
John: Taste it to see if it tastes like doggie doo!
Frank: (Tastes it) Yep! Tastes like doggie doo!
John: Well! It's a good thing we checked and didn't walk in it!

The Dumb Actors

"I once directed this skit and, having prepared it with the kids a few weeks prior to the actual campfire (and the kids being from another group), I'd forgotten that I had to arrange for their brooms. So in the middle of the skit, I remembered about the brooms and quickly ran into the camp kitchen to get the brooms!

"It seems to me that this one perhaps could use a little "setting the scene" -- perhaps start off with the "actors" standing around on break, and the Director calling them in, saying that they'd had enough time already. On that note, I once participated in the presentation of this skit. I was a fifth cleaner who was sort of on break, sort of working. I had a coffee cup, a broom, some towels, etc. I would go up and clean the camera, sweep around the son who was lying on the ground, occasionally try to interrupt, but not quite manage to, etc. After a verbatim presentation as follows, I added in, "Yeah guys, let's get back to work!"

"Otherwise known as "At the Movies" from the Leader Magazine -- text from the Best of the Leader Magazine Cut Out Pages." Author

Cast: Director, Others in a Studio (Clapper Board, Lighting Men), Mother, Son, Doctor, Undertaker, brooms for the actors

Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper: Scene one, Take one!

The actors play the scene without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and cameraman films. Mother is flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.

Son: Mom, I don't feel too well. (He collapses)
Mom: (Goes over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves to the phone, dials making click, click, click sounds.) Doctor, come quick. My son's collapsed.
Doctor: (Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call the undertaker. (Goes to phone, dials making dialing sounds like Mom did.)
Undertaker, you'd better come. I have a dead body here.
Undertaker: (Enters and begins to measure the body.)
Director: (Jumps up.) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion AT
ALL! Let's do it again. This time, give me more emotion!
Cast: (Exiting) Right. More emotion.
Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper: Scene one, Take Two!

The actors redo the scene, using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics. Mom weeps uncontrollably throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same point as in Take One, the Director yells, "Cut! Cut!"

Director: That was better, but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down. Lights, Camera, Action!

Clapper: Scene on, Take three!

The actors redo the scene in slow motion -- talking slowly, mowing slowly. For example, when the telephone is dialed it goes click ... click ... click ... and after the doctor check's the son's pulse, the son's hand falls slowly back to the floor, etc. The Director yells "Cut!" in the usual place.

Director: That was far too slow! Let's speed it up!

This time the actors do the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground, the doctor is there before Mom can hang up, and so on.

Director: (At the same place) Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call yourselves actors!!??

Cast: Actors? Who said anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pickup brooms and exit.)

Easter Bunny

The Easter Bunny is out delivering his eggs and the police arrest him for breaking and entering a house. The police don't believe that he is the Easter Bunny, but finally decide to believe him and let him go. He decides to finish delivering and tries to enter another house where an old lady or man accuses him of stealing. The Bunny says, "Oh no, not again!" and is run off the stage by the old lady swinging a stick or umbrella.

The Echo

The club leader announces during the singing that he has noticed an echo in the room and he is going to try it out (also could be on a hike overlooking a canyon). The following is a dialogue between the leader and the echo - a person out of the room or out of sight.

Leader: Hello
Echo: Hello
Leader: Cheese
Echo: Cheese
Leader: Bologna
Echo: (silence)
Leader: (to group) It must not be working now. I'll try again. (to echo) This leader is great.
Echo: Bologna

Echo, again!

A Scout enters the campfire area, walks around and collapses to the ground. He lays there seriously ill and dying. Soon another scout enters and finds the ill scout. He screams out: "There is someone lying here!" then the echo effect from outside of the campfire area. Soon the scout calls out, "I think he is ill!", echo effect. He continues, "I think he is very ill!" echo again. The Scout beginning to panic screams out "He is dying" with the echoes responding. Finally the scout calls out "He is Dead!". But this time the echoes respond in unison, "Its about time!"

Echo Point

Once modified this to suit a space theme -- it was a tour around the galaxy to different planets, people traveled in a spaceship to get from planet to planet (a drawing of the USS Enterprise, no less,) and they went back to the starbase. But essential details of the dialogue, and of course, the joke itself, were exactly the same.

Cast: Guide, Tourists, Echo hidden in the bushes
Setting: A Tour of the Countryside

You might want to lengthen it a bit at first, to tell a more complete story, but for the sake of brevity, you might not.

Guide: (To tourist group) And this over here is the famous site where John Smith first discovered gold. Now if you'll follow me, we'll be going to Echo Point next. (Walks around a bit with group.) Here it is. What makes Echo Point so special is that whenever you call out the name of a food, it will echo three times. Listen. Yogurt! (Echo: "Yogurt! Yogurt! Yogurt!") See? Now, would anybody else like to try?

Tourist #1: I would. Banana! (Echo: "Banana! Banana! Banana!")

Tourist #2: Salad! (Echo: "Salad! Salad! Salad!") Hey! Neato!

Tourist #3: I want to try. Baloney! (Echo: "Baloney! Baloney!" -- ONLY TWICE!)

Guide: (After a pause,) That's strange -- it's never repeated a food only twice. Maybe we should wait a moment more. (Pause -- nothing happens.) I'm so embarrassed. Well, I guess we should go back to the base, where the food is so good!

Echo: Baloney!

Elevated Gum

A boy enters chewing gum, acting like a business man, with a briefcase etc. Walks up and enters a elevator, sticks gum on the wall. A kid listening to rock & roll on his portable stereo, dances into the elevator, leans on wall, hands sticks to gum. Tries hard to pull hand off the wall. The kid looks at the gum, stretches it, picks his nose, sneezes, etc.; all getting on the gum. Throws the gum at the back of the elevator where it sticks. Dumb, spacey, jock stereotype enter the elevator, leans on the back wall and the gum gets stuck to the following places: first head and elevator, then head and hand, both hands, foot and both hands, both feet and hands, hands, knees, and hand to face. He finally gets free and sticks gum back on side wall. Businessman enters the elevator after the Jock leaves, see gum and decides to chew it again, then leaves.

The Elevator

The scene opens with an elevator operator intoning "Ground Floor". A passenger gets on and begins to jiggle slightly. The elevator operator intones each floor with a description of what's on that floor. A passenger gets on at each floor and begins to jiggle as well. As the elevator gets higher the passengers begin to jiggle more. When the top floor is reached the passengers begin to jiggle like mad, the operator intones bathrooms and they all rush quickly off. The operator suddenly looks funny, begins to jiggle, shouts "ME TOO!" and runs off the stage.

Emergency Room Doctor

The scene is an emergency room at a hospital. The Doctor is totally self absorbed, combing hair, looking in mirror etc. A guy runs in, a hiker with a branch stuck in his stomach. He is screaming in agony. the Doctor insists that he must ask him some questions before anything can be done. The patient screams that he is losing blood. The doctor continues asking questions such as where he lives, past illnesses, type of house, how he got there etc. A phone rings and the Doctor is invited out to lunch. The Doctor runs off leaving the wounded man writhing on the floor. A stupid looking janitor with a broom wanders by and pulls the branch out. The patient stands up, says thanks and leaves.

The Enlarging Machine

Preparation: Decide which objects will be enlarged, and collect both large and small versions. For example:

A dime becomes a quarter.

A string becomes a coil of rope.

A newspaper page becomes the Sunday paper.

Set up a sheet as a backdrop, and hide a Scout behind it with the large objects and a bucket of water. The Professor will be in front of the sheet with the small objects. If it is dark, you will need a spotlight on the action.

The Skit

The Professor walks out and announces that he has developed a wonderful Enlarging Machine that will make anything - anything - bigger. As the Scout behind the machine makes 'machine' noises, he explains that the machine is operated simply by tossing an object over the sheet. The machine will then return the object in a much larger form.

The Professor will demonstrate his fantastic invention, but he needs volunteers to help. One by one, the volunteers come forward. The Professor hands them an object which they throw over the sheet. The machine then makes noises, and the larger object is tossed back. Each time, the Professor exclaims about the value and capability of the machine.

The last volunteer is the Scapegoat, who is volunteered by the Professor and the crowd. The Professor takes the Scapegoat by the arm and leads him toward the audience and away from the sheet. In tones of great secrecy, the Professor encourages him to have some fun with the machine and spit over the sheet. They return to the sheet, and the Scapegoat spits. He is instantly drenched by a bucket of water.

Variation

The Professor can talk out loud about an object, but actually hand the Scapegoat a cup of water. By his actions, he implies that he and the Scapegoat are going to surprise the Scout behind the machine. This can have several outcomes; the Scout can be surprised; the Scapegoat can get wet anyway; or the Professor can get wet, to his surprise.

Eskimo Pie

Scene: Group of Cub Scouts around a table.

Props: Ping pong ball, sponge, white golf tees, pan with ice cream bars in the bottom.

Cub 1: Isn't it great our leader is letting us make a pie for our den meeting treat?
Cub 2: Sure is. I don't know what kind of pie it is, but here are the directions.
Cub 3: Let's see, first you put in these walrus eyes.
Cub 4: Walrus eyes? Are you sure?
Cub 3: Says so right here. (Puts ping pong balls in pan.)
Cub 5: OK, next put in a pound of blubber.
Cub 4: A pound of blubber? Are you sure?
Cub 5: That's what it says in the recipe. (Puts in white sponges.)
Cub 6: The next thing to add are two dozen polar bear teeth.
Cub 4: I don't believe that. Why would you put teeth in a pie?
Cub 3: Hey, you have to have teeth to eat a pie!
Cub 4: Oh yeah, go ahead.
Cub 6: Here go the teeth. (Puts in golf tees.)
Cub 1: Now we let it freeze for one hour. (Put lid on pan.)
Cub 2: (Hold up sign that says "one hour later".)
Cub 1: Let's see what we've got. (Uncovers pot.)
All: (Look into pan and exclaim.) Eskimo pies!!!! (Pull out ice cream bars, open and eat.)


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