The MacScouter's Big Book of Skits -- C through E
The first Scout comes out
walking around, he suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. Two
other scouts come in talking about just completing their first aid merit
badge and find the scout on the ground. They rush to his aid and begin C.P.R..
Adjust head, listen, feel for pulse and then begin (fake) compressions.
The other scout counts. After about 3 sets, the other scout yells "switch".
Suddenly the scout on the ground gets up, one of the two scouts lies down,
and they begin again to administer C.P.R.
A Scout dressed in a turban
enters the campfire circle. He places a blanket on the ground, kneels and
begins to pry. He prays by bowing down and with his arms out-stretched,
he chant "Oh Allah, bring me a camel." Repeat a number of times, and then
he looks under the blanket. He shakes his head sadly and asks for a volunteer
to help him. The two kneel and pray to Allah for a camel. Again the first
scout looks under the blanket and finds nothing. He continues to recruit
volunteers two or three at a time, each time praying for a camel. (if the
volunteers are not really helping then egg them on.) When there is no more
room on the blanket for volunteers the first scouts stand and says: "Allah
hasn't sent me a camel, but he has sent me a lot of silly jackasses!"
Props: A large cooking pot
and mugs for actors
1st Scout- (Walks to pot
carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for
a drink) "This camp coffee is getting worse".
2nd Scout- (Walks to pot
carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for
a drink) "This camp tea is getting worse".
3rd Scout- (Walks to pot
carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for
a drink) "This camp hot chocolate is getting worse".
4th Scout- (Walks up to
pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings
them out he says) "I thought that would get them clean!"
Cast: 2 People, campfire blanket
Have one person lie down
on his back and the other kneel directly over him. The top person wears
the campfire blanket so as to hide his legs and expose the legs of the
person lying down, to create the effect of it being one person sitting
down.
Person: Hi there! Welcome
to Don's House of Fine Exercises and Sports Medicine. Today I'm going
to ask you about your regular stretching routine. Can you do this? (Lifts
up a leg so that it's parallel with the chest.) Or this? (Lifts other
leg.) And how about this? (Crosses the legs.) This is an unusual one.
Can you do it? (Brings feet around the neck.) And let's not forget this
one. Can you do it? (Stretches out the legs in spread eagle fashion in
the air.) (Elicit a no answer from a volunteer.) Well, neither can I!
(Stands up.)
Ask for two volunteers, who
just stand there in the candy shop.
A customer comes in and
asks for chocolate covered cherries. Sorry, no chocolate covered cherries.
Peanut brittle? Sorry, just sold our last peanut brittle. Toffee. You
must have toffee. Um, well, not today. Licorice? Fresh out of licorice.
Well, what do you have?
"Well, all we've got are these two suckers."
-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins
This one can be really
hammed up and included the kid walking up in a dance kind of way and the
old storekeeper, being old, very laboriously climbing up a ladder, getting
the candy jar, coming down, counting out the candies, and so on.
Cast: Old storekeeper,
very young kid (4 years old)
Setting: A Candy Store
Kid: (Kid walks up to
storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the
top.
Storekeeper: You mean
those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?
Kid: Yes, please.
Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid
takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)
Storekeeper climbs up
and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.
This scene repeats itself
several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more
tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until,
Storekeeper: Oh! I see
that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now
to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Kid
walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny
candies from way up top, right?
Kid: Nope! Not today!
Storekeeper: Sigh! Now
I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away,
then comes down.) Now, sonny, what would you like today?
Kid: I would like three
of those penny candies way up at the top!
The leader gives instructions
for playing candy store. He asks that one person take a long string and
hold on and then adds others until there is a long line of people holding
onto the string. Then the leader explains that this is a candy store because
there are some suckers hanging on the line.
A candy store owner enters
carrying a long pole. He asks two members of the audience to hold the pole,
draping a blanket or sheet over it, explaining that this is the candy store.
One by one customers come in asking for different types of candy, to each,
the owner replies that he doesn't have any. Finally, a customer asks what
he does have. The owner states he doesn't have any candy left except for
these two suckers on a stick, pulling the blanket away at the same time.
Have the boys march in, single
file, with one boy leading them like a drill sergeant. The sergeant tells
them to stop and addresses them. He tells them he has some good news and
some bad news. The good news is that they get a change of underwear. The
boys cheer and he cuts them off. The bad news is that they have to change
underwear with one another. The boys groan.
You will need: 5 Cub Scouts,
props should include a lamppost, park bench, tree.
Scene: Park area, Cub
Scouts walk on one at a time. This is a pantomime skit and is great to
use with younger Cub Scouts and shy boys.
One CUB walks on stage
chewing imaginary gum (use exaggerated motions- chewing, blowing bubbles,
pulling gum out of mouth, putting it back in), leans against lamppost
for a bit, takes gum out of his mouth and sticks it to the lamppost. He
then walks off stage. Second CUB comes on stage, leans against lamppost,
feels gum stick, pulls the gum off and sticks gum to bench. Second CUB
exits. Third CUB enters and sits on bench. Notice gum, pulls it off himself
and throws it to the ground. Fourth CUB walks on stage, steps in gum,
removes gum from shoe and sticks it to tree. Exits. Fifth CUB enters,
leans against tree and finds gum. Removes gum from tree and sticks it
on the lamppost. First CUB enters again. Walks up to lamppost, finds gum
and sticks it back in his mouth. Walks off stage chewing gum.
Pick a "volunteer" to be the
dead Chief Shortcake (adult leader) and have him lie down covering with
a towel/sheet except for his head. Have each boy repeat a line on what to
do with Chief Shortcake such as: burying the Chief with all his worldly
possessions, should be burned in a great ceremonial fire, put in a cave
and seal him up, and so on for as many as you need. The last Indian says
that they are all wrong, "I bury Shortcake" and squirts whipped cream on
Chief Shortcake's face.
Performers arrange themselves
with their heads hanging upside down over the edge of a table with a sheet
or other drape covering their body with holes cut out exposing their mouth
and chin. Place sunglasses just below the chin in front of the neck for
"eyes." The chin becomes the nose, the mouth is the mouth - but upside down,
so to smile you need to actually frown. The "chin face" makes a short silly
speech or sings a harmonious song. Several "chin faces" in a row can form
a singing group or mime a recording. Variation: Have the "chin face" be
a chicken instead of a person.
Two Scouts meet, and the first
scout begins to brag he can climb anything.
Scout 1: "Can you climb that tree?"
Scout 2 "Sure I've done it lots of times."
Scout 1 "Can you climb the steep hill over there?"
Scout 2 "No sweat, no problem for me."
Scout 1 "How about the Empire State Building?"
Scout 2 "Done it, Did it."
Scout 1 "How about Mount Everest?"
Scout 2 "Boy that was I cold day, I've done that too. I told you I am the
world's greatest climber, I can climb anything!"
Scout 1 "I'll bet you ten bucks I can show you something that you can't
climb."
Scout 2 "Your on!"
Scout 1 pulls out a flashlight and shine the beam up into the sky "all right
climb that!"
Scout 2 "Are you crazy? No Way!"
Scout 1 "I knew you would back out, now pay up!"
Scout 2 "I won't pay because its not fair. I know you, I'd start climbing
and I'd get half way and you'd turn the flashlight off!"
Props: A good compass and
a map
Announcer: In this scene,
we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.
Scoutmaster: Now fellows,
if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up and,
keeping the compass away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing
until you reach your destination. John, you try that.
John : (Does as instructed,
exits, re-enters)
Scoutmaster: (Standing)
In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use that
to find where you are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that
big tree on the hill top.
Other boys : (Do as instructed,
passing compass around, making suitable comments.)
Scoutmaster: (After a
few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up tonight's
compass lesson. There is just one more important point ! Never, never
buy a TATES compass.
Tom : Scouter, why should
we never buy a TATES compass ?
Scoutmaster: You know
the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"
"I got this one off of
my Part II Scouts. The Trainers did a wonderful job of it and at the blessing
just before the monk says his two words, the Abbot would say, in the typical
chant tune, "My father plays Dominoes better than your father does..." which
was of course hilarious. Having, by pure coincidence, a monk suit with me
at the time, my patrol did a skit the following night ("What the heck was
that!") that incorporated a monk that chanted, "My father plays Dominoes
better than those two guys from last night..." It of course brought the
house down. Too bad our punch line not only was nowhere near good enough
a line to follow up but was also screwed up." Author
Cast: Monk, Abbot, narrator
Scene: Abbot's office
Narrator: This skit is
about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two words
every ten years. Our friendly monk is about to come in and say his two
words, after ten long years of silence.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing,
then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Bad food!
Narrator: Well, ten years
have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to
say his two words. He of course is not quite as young as he used to be,
and walks a touch more slowly.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing,
then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Uncomfortable bed!
Narrator: Well, yet another
ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come
again to say his two words. He is really old at this point, having been
at the monastery for thirty, long, devoted years.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing,
then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: I quit!
Abbot: I'm not surprised!
You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is complain!
The scene takes place in the
waiting room of a doctor of contagious and communicable diseases, Dr. Ringworm,
M.D., L.S.D., V.I.P., L.C.B. Have four chairs and a stand for magazines
or books. In walks a fellow (a) with an itch which he scratches periodically
in different places. He grabs a magazine and attempts to read but is disturbs
periodically by his itch. After a while , a second fellow (B) comes in with
a serious hand twitch. B sits next to A. B gradually starts to scratch with
the itch, while A's hand starts to twitch. When it has been well established
that they have contracted each others' disease, a third person enters with
a serious leg twitch. Pretty soon all three have the hand twitch, leg twitch,
and itch all over. a fourth guy comes in bouncing all over the place and
shaking every muscle in his body. The actions of the four guys become more
frantic and are bouncing around in their chairs. Then a boy dressed like
a pregnant lady strolls in casually and the other four scramble for their
lives. If possible or desired have some jazz music playing in the background
for the scouts with the diseases to keep the beat to.
Second person walks in with
a suitcase. First person already on stage asks where he is going and the
first person's reply is that he is going to court. A little while later
he comes in with the case and also a ladder. This time he says that he taking
his case to a higher court.
Guy brought in - "I'm Innocent!
I was just picking up pebbles on the beach!" Two or more with similar stories.
Last person comes on stage either dressed like a guy dressed like a girl
or a girl, saying, "Hi, I'm Pebbles", in an alluring manner.
The scene is set up so that
Crazy Charlie is portrayed as being in a mental institution. It's dinner
time and before he can ask for anyone to pass the meat, someone calls out
37 and the room bursts into laughter. Moments later 57 is called out and
more laughter results. Crazy Charlie asks the guy next to him what is going
on. He is told that everyone knows each others jokes so well that they have
numbered the jokes.
After a while Charlie
decides to give it a trial and call 52, but no one laughs; there is complete
silence. Charlie asks his friend what is wrong. He friend tells him not
to worry that there isn't anything wrong, some people can tell jokes and
some people can't.
Characters: Several Cubs around
fake campfire pretending to cook hot dogs on sticks. Two Cubs dressed as
mosquitoes--antennae, wings etc.
Setting: Boys around fire
keep slapping as if they are being attacked by mosquitoes throughout the
skit. As the scene opens, the two mosquitoes enter the stage and continue
walking randomly around the boys as they deliver their lines.
Mosquito #1: Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like
best?
Mosquito #2: Easy! Skin diving. Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said
to the mosquito.
Mosquito #1: No, what?
Mosquito #2: Don't bug me!
Mosquito #1: Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito #2: Sure. My ant.
Mosquito #1: Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito #2: No -- tell me.
Mosquito #1: Hop to it!
Cub #1: These mosquitoes are awful! Lucky I brought the insect repellent.
(Pretends to spray air.) (Mosquitoes exit quickly -- choking and gagging.)
Cub #2: (To cub #1) Say, what has 18 feet, red eyes, and long claws.
Cub #1: I don't know.
Cub #2: Neither do I, but it's crawling up your neck.
(All boys run screaming from stage.)
Characters: TV reporter, 4
Cub athletes getting ready for the Cub Olympics.
Props: Frisbee for discuss,
pile for javelin, bag of cookies, toothbrush and basin of water on stand,
fake mike for reporter (can be dressed in suit jacket and have ID for
his station on his lapel in large letters)
TV reporter: We're here
today to interview the athletes at Pack _____ as they prepare for the
challenge of this years Cub Olympics. As you can imagine, it takes months
of training and hard work to get these athletes ready to compete. Let's
see how they are preparing themselves for the big competition. (turns
to Cub #1 with microphone) Tell me, how are you getting ready for your
event in the Olympics?
Cub #1: I'm practicing
my throw for the discus event. (demonstrates how to throw discus using
Frisbee)
TV reporter: Great form! (turns to Cub #2) and you -- can you tell us
how you are preparing to compete?
Cub #2: I'm polishing my javelin for the javelin throw (polishes pole
with a rag.)
TV reporter: Good luck! (turns to Cub #3) What are you doing today?
Cub #3: I'm practicing for the standing broad jump. (does a couple of
practice jumps)
TV reporter: Fine! (turns to Cub #4) And what are you doing to train for
the Olympics?
Cub #4: I'm brushing my teeth! (uses basin of water and toothbrush --pretends
to brush teeth)
TV reporter: Brushing your teeth! What Olympic event could you possibly
be training for?
Cub #4: I'm training for the International Olympic Cookie - Eating event!
(pulls out bag of cookies and stuffs some in his mouth.)
Characters: Den leader, 3
Cub Scouts
Props: A pile of socks
on a table. Den leader sits behind table.
Den leader: Boys, I'm
pleased to announce that our new Cub Scout socks have arrived! Please
step up for your supply of clean socks.
Cub #1: I need four pair.
Den leader: What do you need 4 pair for?
Cub #1: I need them for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Den leader: O.K. Here are your socks. Next please.
Cub #2: I need seven pair.
Den leader: What do you need seven pair for?
Cub #2: For Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and
Saturday.
Den leader: O.K. here are your socks.
Cub #3: I need 12 pairs.
Den leader: Wow, you must really be a clean guy! So why do you need 12
pair?
Cub #3: Well, there's January, February, March, April...etc.
Cast: 4 Shoppers, Storekeeper,
Kid (in underwear, or nightgown), full uniform
Setting: Store
#1: I'd like to buy the
Cub Shirt.
Storekeeper: Sure. One
moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background
-- "No, you can't have it!") (Comes back with a shirt.)
#2: I'd like to buy the
accessories to the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One
moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background
-- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with accessories.)
#3: I'd like to buy the
pants to go with the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One
moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background
-- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with pants.)
#4: I'd like to buy the
right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One
moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background
-- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with shoes.)
Kid: (Comes running out
in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my uniform?
Cast: Director, 2 Workers,
Cameraman, Clapperman, Light Man, Soap
Setting: On the Setting of a Movie
Director: Okay, people!
Remember what I said about the language! Action!
Clapperman: Scene 5, Take
1!
Worker 1: (Eating lunch
with #2) You know, Gerry, the wife is always nagging me for some more
money. And I just don't have it.
Gerry: I know what you
mean. The (DARN) kids are always ...
Director: Cut! What did
I say about the language? You know the rules ... soap in the mouth. (Pantomime
director washing out Gerry's mouth with soap.) Okay, let's try that one
again. And watch the language!
Continues the same way,
but each time something happens where a different person says "Darn" --
clapperman gets fingers caught in clapper (don't do the whole scene over
again, of course,) cameraman trips while filming, light person drops light,
#1 says "the darn wife ..." Finally, the director is about to start the
scene again when he looks at his watch.
Director: Oh darn. Look
at the time ...
Cast & Crew: Cut!
You know the rules ... (Pantomime washing out mouth with soap)
Paint faces on the knees of
the performers. Use dresses (or pants and shirt) to dress the legs as dolls
with the arms bulging out. The clothes can be made out of crepe paper, cloth,
or real clothing. Cover the upper legs and body with a sheet. Direct a flashlight
(spot) onto each knee.
Cast: 2 guys, 2 bikers
Setting: Campground
#1: Well, time to go to
bed. AND I GET THE TENT! (Beats up little guy.)
#2: But... Oh well, it's no use. (He sets up his sleeping bag under the
stars.)
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) Ha! Ha! Let's beat up
this guy! (They beat up little guy.)
Next morning,
#2: Hey! Last night some
bikers came here and beat me up!
#1: You're just jealous that I took the tent. Be a man.
The next night and morning,
the same routine occurs, with the little guy complaining even more. Finally,
the big guy lets the little guy have the tent, with much ado about him
being a wimp. That night,
Bikers: (Make motorcycle
noises & come in.) You know, I think we've beat up on the guy outside
enough the past two nights. Let's beat up the guy inside the tent tonight!
Number of Participants: 2
Scene: One person lying
on the ground, dead. Another sees him and runs for the telephone and,
panicking, gasps: "Police, there's a dead person here... Where ? ....
Uh, (looking for a sign), "I'm at Montgomery and Westchester... Spell
it ?... Uh, M-o-t-n... Uh, M-o-t-g,," (confused), "Just a minute, I'll
drag him over to King and Elm !"
Characters: Six Cub Scouts
in summer uniform or Cub Scout T-shirts.
Scene: A nature walk.
Props: Cub - fashioned
bouquet, with strands of ivy.
Cub 1: Gee, Fellas. I don't think Mrs. Brown's having a very good time.
Cub 2: Well, you didn't help things much, giving her that garter snake.
Cub 3: I was just trying to help her collect stuff for our nature display
at pack meeting.
Cub 4: Yeah...and you heard what she said! "Nothin' ever again, that moves
by itself."
Cub 3: So...now I know better!
Cub 5: Don't worry about a thing, you guys. I'm gonna fix everything.
Cub 6: Yeah? How?
Cub 5: Well, you know how nutty women are about flowers? So, I picked
her this neat bunch of flowers...(he holds up bouquet, with trailing strands
of ivy)... See?
Cub 6: Oh no... (wails). We'll never get to go on another hike!
Cub 5: How come?
Cub 6: Cause...that's poison ivy!!
Cast: Weakling, three or four
Thugs, Old Lady, Director, Cameraman
Setting: Street Corner Set in a Studio
Weakling: Hi there. I'm
advertising the great effects this wonderful vegetable cocktail, V-8,
has on your stamina. You, Sir. (To a tough looking thug.) Did you have
your V-8 today?
Thug: Duh, no. Real men
don't drink V-8.
Weakling: Sure they do.
Watch! (He beats up thug.) See? I had my V-8 today!
You Sir! Did you have
your V-8 today?
Thug 2: (Has crowbar)
No, I don't need it!
Weakling: Sure you do.
(He beats up thug.) You can tell I do! And you Sir! Did you have your
V-8 today?
Thug 3: Ask me again and
I'll beat you up.
Weakling: Heh, heh. Did
you have your V-8 today? (Thug tries to beat him up, but weakling takes
care of him no problem.) So you see, having your V-8 is great for you.
An old lady walks in;
weakling looks puzzled, whispers to director saying he hadn't heard about
an old lady in the script; director says to go on and ask her anyway.
Weakling: Excuse me, Ma'am.
Did you have your V-8 today?
Old lady: As a matter
of fact, young man, I did -- and I'll prove it! (She beats him up.)
Characters: two customers,
waiter. Let actors develop actions and dialogue from the situation
Props: table with tablecloth,
candles, menus, etc. Most important - a storybook
Two customers enter a
fancy seafood restaurant, study the menus, etc. Waiter arrives to take
orders
One customer orders shrimp,
the second says, "I'd like a lobster tail, please."
Waiter says appropriate
things, goes away, returns with a storybook, sits down near customer two
but face audience and begins to read; "Once upon a time, there was a little
lobster...."
The secret to success with
this series of quickies is to keep them moving along. You can have one doctor
and different patients, but it may add greater rush and flurry if a different
doctor and patient fly in and out for each quickie.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I
feel like a set of drapes.
Doc: Pull yourself together!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Am I going to die?
Doc: That's the last thing you'll do.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Doc: Next!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My back feels like a deck of cards!
Doc: I'll deal with you later.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! What's wrong with me?
Doc: Have you had this before?
Pat: Yes.
Doc: Well, you've got it again!
Doc: You'll live to be 80.
Pat: I am 80.
Doc: See!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I've got insomnia.
Doc: Don't lose any sleep over it!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My friend's doctor told him he had appendicitis and,
two weeks later, my friend died of heart failure.
Doc: Don't worry. If I tell you you've got appendicitis, you'll die from
appendicitis!
First patient comes in hiccuping
and asks to see the doctor. The second patient comes in cross-eyed, with
a silly look on his face. The third person can't control his muscles and
is all jittery. They are all asked to sit down. The first person is asked
to go in. There is a real commotion and the patient comes out fine. The
same thing happens to the second and third patients. The nurse tells the
doctor it is time to go home. The doctor emerges with the symptoms of all
his patients and goes offstage.
A person comes to a psychologist
and says that he needs help, he thinks that he is a dog, holding up his
hands like a dog begging. Through out the skit the person acting like a
dog, does dog-like things, like scratching behind his ear, whining, etc.
Doctor asks how long he has had this problem. Ever since he was a puppy
is the reply. The doctor asks if he will lie on the couch but the person
says that he can't since he can't get on the furniture. Doctor's advice
is to make sure that he gets all his shots and don't go chasing any cars.
Cast: Two friends, doggie
doo
Setting: Street
Two friends are walking
along the street, perhaps having a conversation about something, talking
about a movie or the latest hockey scores, when all of a sudden --
John: Hey Frank! Watch
out! That may be doggie doo! Smell it to see if it smells like doggie
doo!
Frank: (Smells it) Yep! Smells like doggie doo!
John: Touch it to see if it feels like doggie doo!
Frank: (Touches it) Yep! Feels like doggie doo!
John: Taste it to see if it tastes like doggie doo!
Frank: (Tastes it) Yep! Tastes like doggie doo!
John: Well! It's a good thing we checked and didn't walk in it!
"I once directed this skit
and, having prepared it with the kids a few weeks prior to the actual campfire
(and the kids being from another group), I'd forgotten that I had to arrange
for their brooms. So in the middle of the skit, I remembered about the brooms
and quickly ran into the camp kitchen to get the brooms!
"It seems to me that
this one perhaps could use a little "setting the scene" -- perhaps start
off with the "actors" standing around on break, and the Director calling
them in, saying that they'd had enough time already. On that note, I once
participated in the presentation of this skit. I was a fifth cleaner who
was sort of on break, sort of working. I had a coffee cup, a broom, some
towels, etc. I would go up and clean the camera, sweep around the son
who was lying on the ground, occasionally try to interrupt, but not quite
manage to, etc. After a verbatim presentation as follows, I added in,
"Yeah guys, let's get back to work!"
"Otherwise known as
"At the Movies" from the Leader Magazine -- text from the Best of the
Leader Magazine Cut Out Pages." Author
Cast: Director, Others
in a Studio (Clapper Board, Lighting Men), Mother, Son, Doctor, Undertaker,
brooms for the actors
Director: Lights, Camera,
Action!
Clapper: Scene one, Take one!
The actors play the scene
without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and cameraman
films. Mother is flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.
Son: Mom, I don't feel
too well. (He collapses)
Mom: (Goes over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves
to the phone, dials making click, click, click sounds.) Doctor, come quick.
My son's collapsed.
Doctor: (Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call
the undertaker. (Goes to phone, dials making dialing sounds like Mom did.)
Undertaker, you'd better come. I have a dead body here.
Undertaker: (Enters and begins to measure the body.)
Director: (Jumps up.) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion
AT
ALL! Let's do it again. This time, give me more emotion!
Cast: (Exiting) Right. More emotion.
Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper: Scene one, Take Two!
The actors redo the scene,
using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics. Mom weeps
uncontrollably throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same
point as in Take One, the Director yells, "Cut! Cut!"
Director: That was better,
but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down. Lights, Camera,
Action!
Clapper: Scene on, Take
three!
The actors redo the scene
in slow motion -- talking slowly, mowing slowly. For example, when the
telephone is dialed it goes click ... click ... click ... and after the
doctor check's the son's pulse, the son's hand falls slowly back to the
floor, etc. The Director yells "Cut!" in the usual place.
Director: That was far
too slow! Let's speed it up!
This time the actors do
the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground, the doctor
is there before Mom can hang up, and so on.
Director: (At the same
place) Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call yourselves
actors!!??
Cast: Actors? Who said
anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pickup brooms and exit.)
The Easter Bunny is out delivering
his eggs and the police arrest him for breaking and entering a house. The
police don't believe that he is the Easter Bunny, but finally decide to
believe him and let him go. He decides to finish delivering and tries to
enter another house where an old lady or man accuses him of stealing. The
Bunny says, "Oh no, not again!" and is run off the stage by the old lady
swinging a stick or umbrella.
The club leader announces
during the singing that he has noticed an echo in the room and he is going
to try it out (also could be on a hike overlooking a canyon). The following
is a dialogue between the leader and the echo - a person out of the room
or out of sight.
Leader: Hello
Echo: Hello
Leader: Cheese
Echo: Cheese
Leader: Bologna
Echo: (silence)
Leader: (to group) It must not be working now. I'll try again. (to echo)
This leader is great.
Echo: Bologna
A Scout enters the campfire
area, walks around and collapses to the ground. He lays there seriously
ill and dying. Soon another scout enters and finds the ill scout. He screams
out: "There is someone lying here!" then the echo effect from outside of
the campfire area. Soon the scout calls out, "I think he is ill!", echo
effect. He continues, "I think he is very ill!" echo again. The Scout beginning
to panic screams out "He is dying" with the echoes responding. Finally the
scout calls out "He is Dead!". But this time the echoes respond in unison,
"Its about time!"
Once modified this to suit
a space theme -- it was a tour around the galaxy to different planets, people
traveled in a spaceship to get from planet to planet (a drawing of the USS
Enterprise, no less,) and they went back to the starbase. But essential
details of the dialogue, and of course, the joke itself, were exactly the
same.
Cast: Guide, Tourists,
Echo hidden in the bushes
Setting: A Tour of the Countryside
You might want to lengthen
it a bit at first, to tell a more complete story, but for the sake of
brevity, you might not.
Guide: (To tourist group)
And this over here is the famous site where John Smith first discovered
gold. Now if you'll follow me, we'll be going to Echo Point next. (Walks
around a bit with group.) Here it is. What makes Echo Point so special
is that whenever you call out the name of a food, it will echo three times.
Listen. Yogurt! (Echo: "Yogurt! Yogurt! Yogurt!") See? Now, would anybody
else like to try?
Tourist #1: I would. Banana!
(Echo: "Banana! Banana! Banana!")
Tourist #2: Salad! (Echo:
"Salad! Salad! Salad!") Hey! Neato!
Tourist #3: I want to
try. Baloney! (Echo: "Baloney! Baloney!" -- ONLY TWICE!)
Guide: (After a pause,)
That's strange -- it's never repeated a food only twice. Maybe we should
wait a moment more. (Pause -- nothing happens.) I'm so embarrassed. Well,
I guess we should go back to the base, where the food is so good!
Echo: Baloney!
A boy enters chewing gum,
acting like a business man, with a briefcase etc. Walks up and enters a
elevator, sticks gum on the wall. A kid listening to rock & roll on
his portable stereo, dances into the elevator, leans on wall, hands sticks
to gum. Tries hard to pull hand off the wall. The kid looks at the gum,
stretches it, picks his nose, sneezes, etc.; all getting on the gum. Throws
the gum at the back of the elevator where it sticks. Dumb, spacey, jock
stereotype enter the elevator, leans on the back wall and the gum gets stuck
to the following places: first head and elevator, then head and hand, both
hands, foot and both hands, both feet and hands, hands, knees, and hand
to face. He finally gets free and sticks gum back on side wall. Businessman
enters the elevator after the Jock leaves, see gum and decides to chew it
again, then leaves.
The scene opens with an elevator
operator intoning "Ground Floor". A passenger gets on and begins to jiggle
slightly. The elevator operator intones each floor with a description of
what's on that floor. A passenger gets on at each floor and begins to jiggle
as well. As the elevator gets higher the passengers begin to jiggle more.
When the top floor is reached the passengers begin to jiggle like mad, the
operator intones bathrooms and they all rush quickly off. The operator suddenly
looks funny, begins to jiggle, shouts "ME TOO!" and runs off the stage.
The scene is an emergency
room at a hospital. The Doctor is totally self absorbed, combing hair, looking
in mirror etc. A guy runs in, a hiker with a branch stuck in his stomach.
He is screaming in agony. the Doctor insists that he must ask him some questions
before anything can be done. The patient screams that he is losing blood.
The doctor continues asking questions such as where he lives, past illnesses,
type of house, how he got there etc. A phone rings and the Doctor is invited
out to lunch. The Doctor runs off leaving the wounded man writhing on the
floor. A stupid looking janitor with a broom wanders by and pulls the branch
out. The patient stands up, says thanks and leaves.
Preparation: Decide which
objects will be enlarged, and collect both large and small versions. For
example:
A dime becomes a quarter.
A string becomes a coil
of rope.
A newspaper page becomes
the Sunday paper.
Set up a sheet as a backdrop,
and hide a Scout behind it with the large objects and a bucket of water.
The Professor will be in front of the sheet with the small objects. If
it is dark, you will need a spotlight on the action.
The Skit
The Professor walks out
and announces that he has developed a wonderful Enlarging Machine that
will make anything - anything - bigger. As the Scout behind the machine
makes 'machine' noises, he explains that the machine is operated simply
by tossing an object over the sheet. The machine will then return the
object in a much larger form.
The Professor will demonstrate
his fantastic invention, but he needs volunteers to help. One by one,
the volunteers come forward. The Professor hands them an object which
they throw over the sheet. The machine then makes noises, and the larger
object is tossed back. Each time, the Professor exclaims about the value
and capability of the machine.
The last volunteer is
the Scapegoat, who is volunteered by the Professor and the crowd. The
Professor takes the Scapegoat by the arm and leads him toward the audience
and away from the sheet. In tones of great secrecy, the Professor encourages
him to have some fun with the machine and spit over the sheet. They return
to the sheet, and the Scapegoat spits. He is instantly drenched by a bucket
of water.
Variation
The Professor can talk
out loud about an object, but actually hand the Scapegoat a cup of water.
By his actions, he implies that he and the Scapegoat are going to surprise
the Scout behind the machine. This can have several outcomes; the Scout
can be surprised; the Scapegoat can get wet anyway; or the Professor can
get wet, to his surprise.
Scene: Group of Cub Scouts
around a table.
Props: Ping pong ball,
sponge, white golf tees, pan with ice cream bars in the bottom.
Cub 1: Isn't it great
our leader is letting us make a pie for our den meeting treat?
Cub 2: Sure is. I don't know what kind of pie it is, but here are the
directions.
Cub 3: Let's see, first you put in these walrus eyes.
Cub 4: Walrus eyes? Are you sure?
Cub 3: Says so right here. (Puts ping pong balls in pan.)
Cub 5: OK, next put in a pound of blubber.
Cub 4: A pound of blubber? Are you sure?
Cub 5: That's what it says in the recipe. (Puts in white sponges.)
Cub 6: The next thing to add are two dozen polar bear teeth.
Cub 4: I don't believe that. Why would you put teeth in a pie?
Cub 3: Hey, you have to have teeth to eat a pie!
Cub 4: Oh yeah, go ahead.
Cub 6: Here go the teeth. (Puts in golf tees.)
Cub 1: Now we let it freeze for one hour. (Put lid on pan.)
Cub 2: (Hold up sign that says "one hour later".)
Cub 1: Let's see what we've got. (Uncovers pot.)
All: (Look into pan and exclaim.) Eskimo pies!!!! (Pull out ice cream
bars, open and eat.)
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