The MacScouter's Big Book of Scouts -- R through S
1st Scout comes out: Gets
down on all fours, pretending to be a table. 2nd Scout comes out, looks
at the table and declares "Ahh, a fly, I think I'll pull it's wings off"
Proceeds to pick it up, pluck the wings, put it back on the table, and
walks off.. 3rd Scout comes out, looks at the fly on the table and says;
"Oh, a fly with no wings, I think I'll pull it's legs off", With great
precision and animation, picks up the fly, removes it's legs, and puts
it back and walks off. 4th Scout comes out, looks at the fly and announces;
"Say, a fly with no wings and no legs, I think I'll pull it's head off."
Then proceeds as the other Scout before him. Last Scout comes out looks
at the table, then carefully inspects the object with out picking it up
and says very quickly "A raisin !" and quickly picks it up and eats it.
7-up salesmen is sent to
Africa to establish a market there. He is reported missing with along
with a large supply of 7-up. A search party is sent out after him. After
a long search, they finally come to a village of cannibals. Questioning
the cannibal chief, they find out he has been eaten.
The Chief explains: "we
ate his head and drank 7-up, then we ate his arms and drank 7-up,, when
we ate his legs, we drank 7-up, and then we ate his thing."
The search party puzzled
asks, "why didn't you drink 7-up after eating his thing?". The Chief
replies: "Don't be Silly, Things Go Better With COKE!"
Characters: Reggie, big,
dumb, Bermudas, high socks, safari hat, glasses, down on nose, mustache,
carries gun in front of him. Colonel: short, limp, monocle, no gun, just
small knapsack, has cane.
Scene: Walking in place
through darkest Africa, speaking pronounced English accent.
Colonel: (excited, jumping
and pointing with cane) Reggie, look... Did you see it, Reggie ?
Reggie: See what??! No, no, where, where ??
Colonel: Oh, Reggie, It was a beautiful condor, 8 foot wing span, beautiful
colors.
Reggie: No. I didn't see it.
Colonel: Wish You'd pay closer attention. (They continue walking).
Colonel: Did you see it, Reggie?
Reggie: No, what?
Colonel: A spotted Zebra...Wish you'd pay closer attention.
Colonel: (later) Did you see it, Reggie?? Did you see it?
Reggie: No I missed it ... what was it?
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird.
Reggie: Ooh-aah bird. What's a ooh aah bird??
Colonel: An ooh-aah bird is a 2 pound bird that lays a 3 pound egg,
like this: Ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh-aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
(face lights up). (continue walking).
Reggie: Whispers to audience: Next time I'll say yes - pretend like
I saw it. I'll fool him.
Colonel: Reggie, Reggie did you see it! (excited)
Reggie: I saw it, I saw it!
Colonel: Then why in heaven's name did you step in it? !!!
Use plastic glasses, and
have the Waiter wear an apron and carry a towel over his arm. The Waiter
will need a tray for glasses of water.
Two volunteers are recruited
from the audience. The get down on their hands and knees. The Announcer
welcomes everybody to his restaurant, and introduces the volunteers
as his tables.
Some Scouts enter and
sit or kneel around one table. They call for the Waiter, and order glasses
of water. They sit and talk while they are waiting. Another group of
Scouts also enters, and also orders water.
The Waiter serves both
groups, placing glasses on the backs of the 'tables'. The groups sit
and talk as they sip their drinks, returning them to the table each
time.
One or two at a time,
the Scouts make their excuses, and get up and leave. "This water is
terrible." "Let's go over to Joe's Bar and have another round." "Sorry,
guys. I've got to be getting home."
Eventually, the tables
are left alone, with the glasses of water still full on the tabletops.
The Master of Ceremonies moves on to the next event.
The scene is two guys enter
a greasy spoon type of restaurant that has a customer and a grill type
cook with a stained apron. The cook says that all they have is soup and
a hot dog. The first man says he will take the soup and the other man
says he wants the same. The cook tells them if one wants the soup the
other has to have the hot dog. The second man agrees and asks to have
mustard put on the hot dog and the waiter leaves. The third asks if they
steal, referring to the cook. The first man says the cook will steal your
shirt off your back if he could. The first & second man get their
order, the cook dropping the silverware, then wiping them off with his
dirty apron. Second man tells the cook that he wanted mustard on his hot
dog. The cook squeezes mustard off his apron onto the hot dog. First man
says that there is a fly in his soup. The cook retrieves the fly out of
the soup, squeezing it, telling the fly to spit it all back. The third
man disgusted, makes a comment and walks out without his pants. His pants
have been stolen.
Cast: Dr. Mad, Igor, Bank
Manager, Cable Company, Electrician
Setting: Dr. Mad's Laboratory
Dr. Mad: (Talking to
crowd, with one of those sinister, horror movies voices.) I just love
my new invention, Igor. He is a robot and is such a good servant. I
would just love to demonstrate him to you. (Someone knocks on the door.)
Ah! Here's my chance. Come in!
Manager: Hello, Sir.
I've come today to talk to you about your banking. It seems your account
is overdrawn by twenty million dollars.
Dr. Mad: Oh, please,
come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I
show you my newest invention? This is Igor. You see, whenever I say,
Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And if I say, Walk, Igor, he walks
(Igor walks toward manager.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills
(Igor strangles manager, then lies down on his table.) This is so neat
what I've invented. (Someone knocks on door.) Oh, someone else is at
the door. Coming!
Cableman: Hello, Sir.
I've come today to disconnect the cable, because you haven't paid you
cable bills in 6 months.
Dr. Mad: Oh, please,
come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I
show you my newest invention? This is Igor. You see, whenever I say,
Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And if I say, Walk, Igor, he walks
(Igor walks toward cableman.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills
(Igor strangles cableman, then lies down on his table.) I say, what
an invention. (Someone knocks on door.) Oh, someone else is at the door.
Coming!
Electrician: Hello, Sir.
I've come today to talk about your power consumption and how to reduce
it. I seems that you are often short-circuiting the system.
Dr. Mad: Oh, please,
come in. I would love to discuss this over coffee. But first, may I
show you my newest invention? This is Igor. You see, whenever I say,
Rise, Igor, he rises (Igor rises.) And if I say, Walk, Igor, he walks
(Igor walks toward electrician.) And should I say, Kill, Igor, he kills
(Igor strangles electrician then lies down on his table.) Without a
doubt, a great invention. (To audience again.) I am so impressed with
myself and my invention. You see, all I have to do is say, Rise, Igor
and he gets up (Igor Rises.) Then I just say, Walk, Igor and he walks
(Igor walks to Dr. Mad.) And just by saying, Kill, Igor, I solve many
problems! (Igor strangles Dr. Mad.) AHHHHHHHH!
The narrator tells the audience
they are going to explore the wilderness. He sets the scene with members
of his patrol. Two members are the river, (they are always moving around.
The Trees, bushes remain still. The uniformed volunteers play the rocks
and they in the front with their backs to the rest of the cast. The narrator
walks to each person as he describes the items.) Then trees, bushes, squirrel,
rabbit, etc. When you run out of members, solicit two or three volunteers
to be the rocks. Sit them down in front of the rest of the scene.
Now the narrator says:
"Come with us now as we explore the beautiful wilderness. Here with
have these great oak trees, mixed among the giant pine trees. Next we
have these rabbits and squirrel playing in the wilderness. And we find
these rocks. Remnant of the very beginning of our planet, nestled here
near the river bed. These are wild gooseberry bushes. Notice the berries
are growing all over. Finally we come to the rushing river. Always moving,
the river tumbles down the canyon, hurries through the rapids and washes
up against the rocks!" (at this point the people playing the river grab
buckets of water and douse the persons playing the rocks.)
Four or more people sneak
up behind the speaker and set chairs down so that "the speaker can't see
them." They then begin to go through the motions of casting a line and
reeling it in. After a while the audience is watching what the group is
doing and then the "speaker" looks over and asks, "What are you doing?"
"We're fishing!" is the reply of the fishermen, after which they go back
to their motions and the speaker resumes talking. After a short time the
speaker looks over and says - "But you can't fish here!" "Why not?" asks
another fisherman?" Because there's no water here!" (speaker)
"Oh, well, they weren't
biting anyway!" (fisherman) The fishermen then turn their chairs so
that they are lined up in a single line, facing in the same direction.
They go through the motions of putting their gear away, and then, acting
as if they are rowing a boat, slide their chairs backwards across the
stage."
A scout begins to sell white
water balloons to scouts at summer camp.: He is yelling water balloons
for sale. Various customer come up to he to buy one. However they want
colored balloons and the salesman only has white balloons. The salesman
is very rude to them. He replies: What's the matter. These plates are
the same shape as what you want only a different color." Finally one of
the first customers comes back and asked to buy a balloon. The Scout hands
the salesman a penny for the balloon. The Salesman stops him and says:
"Hey what this, they are 10 cents!" The customer replies: "What's the
matter, the coin is the same shape as the one you want, a similar size,
only a different color!"
Cast: 2 Cowboys, Sheriff,
Goofball
Setting: Saloon
#1 & 2 and the sheriff
are in talking to each other while goofball is polishing his gun.
#1: I'm so brave that
I once faced a pit full of hissing, poisonous snakes and shot each one
before I climbed out.
#2: That's nothing. I
once was all alone helping all sorts of people when a flood came through
town.
Sheriff: I'm really brave,
that's why I'm sheriff. I once put away 20 bad guys all by myself.
(Goofball's gun fires
accidentally.)
Goofball: (All three
guys run off, really scared.) Gee, I was only washing my gun!
Sarge and private walking.
Private: "I want to rest!"
Sarge: "No! we have to finish this hike keep going!"
Private: "But my feet hurt" etc. (Whining.)
Here you can be creative, add a few more excuses...
Sarge: "Absolutely NOT!!!"
Private: "Ill cry..."
Sarge: "Go ahead!"
Private: "WaaaaaaHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
Here Sarge gives in and
they rest. Next the private wants to stop and ' take a wee' (you can
always use the "Weeee!" when the Sarge finally gives in after the same
Rigmarole. and next a drink, and finally food. But this is only a day
hike so there is no food. After more tears, the Sarge finds a worm and
the private will only eat it (on the threat of more tears) if the Sarge
eats half. Of course when he finally does, the private starts bawling
again and screams
Private: "You ate my
half."
Scout wanders through area
several times holding a glass of water: When asked what he is doing, he
replies that the school is on fire. Leader: How do you expect to put the
fire out with a tiny glass of water?" Boy answers, "this ain't water,
it's gas.
The scene is the launching
pad of a large rocket which can be cut from a large piece of cardboard.
There is an elaborate countdown, but the rocket fails to go off at zero.
All those present inspect it and check on a number of highly-scientific-sounding
devices - the supersonic sector wire; the exhaust fin fan stand; the sub-stabilizer
exidizer, etc. All seem perfect. Finally the smallest boy says: "I've
found the trouble. Somebody forgot to put in the fuel.
This skit needs two Scouts,
both dressed in full Scout uniform, complete with shoes, socks, neckerchief,
and hat. Only a little rehearsal is needed, and it is best to ad lib as
the Scouts go along. Scout #2 should demonstrate Scout#1's requests as
quickly as possible, playing for the audience's response. By the end of
the skit, the second Scout will be a complete mess.
Scout #1: "Good evening
Scouts and parents. Tonight my associate and I will demonstrate the
proper way to wear the official Boy Scout uniform for all of our mothers
present, and especially for the new Scouts and their mothers."
Scout #1 reads from a
list: "First, notice the lovely shade of khaki and red. See how the
colors complement each other?"
Scout #2 acts as a model,
posing and waving his hand in a smooth motion from hat to trousers.
"Notice the badges identifying
the patrol, rank, troop number, office, and council."
Scout #2 points to each
patch in succession.
"Now notice the stiff
collar, the neatly sewn shirt buttons, and the absence of lint in his
trouser pockets."
Scout #2 turns up the
collar, pulling his neckerchief askew. He begins to unbutton his shirt,
and pulls out his pants pockets, dropping the contents on the floor.
"See the neat pant cuffs,
shiny leather shoes, and crumpled shirt tails."
Scout #2 lifts a pant
leg (which stays up), takes off and holds up a shoe, and pulls out his
shirt tails and waves them at the audience.
"Also check out the regulation
hat and belt, clean undershirt, and ears."
Scout #2 takes off his
hat to show and puts it back a bit lopsided. He unbuckles his belt and
leaves it hanging. Then he finishes unbuttoning his shirt to show off
his clean undershirt. He sticks a finger in his ear, turns it, and takes
it out and inspects it.
"Finally, notice the
stitched shirt cuffs, color coordinated Scout socks, and clean hands."
Scout #2 unbuttons one
shirtsleeve cuff and shows it off. He takes off a sock and waves it
proudly, holding it up to his shirt for comparison. Then he stuffs the
sock partly into a pocket and displays his clean hands.
"Thank you ladies and
gentlemen for your attention. Scouts, I expect you to wear your uniforms
as proudly as my helpful assistant wears his."
A Scout goes to the trading
post and asks to buy some tenderfoot brains, that'll be 25 cents. OK,
(money and brains exchanged).
Narrator: six months
later. Same Scout back at trading post. "I'd like to buy some second
class brains." "That'll be 50 cents." OK, (as before)
Narrator: six months
later I'd like to buy some first class brains - 75 cents - OK...
Narrator: a year later
I'd like to buy some star brains - 1.00 - OK...
Narrator: a year later
I'd like...Life brains - 1.25 - OK
Narrator: a year later
I'd like... Eagle brains - 1.50 - OK
Narrator: 15 years later
Same Scout goes to trading post again. "I'd like to buy some Scoutmaster's
brains" "That'll be 200 dollars an ounce" "200 dollars, why so much?"
"Do you have any idea
how many Scoutmaster's it takes to get an ounce of brains?"
Six or seven scouts each
bring in a wrapped present. The "presents" can be anything (paper clips,
envelopes, a pencil, a block of wood); The Scoutmaster (camp director)
being honored stands in front of the group. Scout 1 comes up with his
present (paper clips, for example) and gives it to the SM.
SM opens the package.
"Oh gee, paper clips! How nice!"
Scout 1: "Oh it was nothing, Mr. Jones. My dad works in a paper clip
factory."
Scout 2 comes up with his present (envelopes, for example) and gives
it to the SM.
SM opens the package. "Oh boy, envelopes. Thanks, Tommy."
Scout 2: "No problem, Mr. Jones. The old man works in a stationery store."
And so on to the last
one -- Last scout comes up with a box, dripping water out of the bottom,
and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Jones, but my dad works in a pet store..."
Announcer: This scene takes
place in a hardware store near Camp _______ home of the oldest surviving
Scoutmaster.
Scoutmaster (very old
man): "My old crosscut saw is worn out, and I need something that will
let me cut more wood for camp!"
Owner: "Yes, sir! For
only one hundred bucks you can be the proud owner of this chain saw.
I guarantee that it will cut twice as much wood in a day as your old
crosscut." Scoutmaster: (Handing over money) "O.K. great!" (Exits)
Announcer: "The next
day."
Scoutmaster: (Enters
tiredly) "There's something wrong with this saw. I worked very hard
yesterday, and only cut half as much wood."
Owner: "Well, sir, I
have a lot of faith in this product. Here, I'll put a new chain on it
and you give it another try."
Scoutmaster: "O.K., but
if it doesn't do any better, I'll be back! You can count on that!" (Exits)
Announcer: "The next
day."
Scoutmaster: (Enters
exhausted) "This darned saw is no good. I worked even harder, and still
it won't cut half the wood of my old saw! I want my money back!"
Owner: "Yes, sir ! Just
let me check it out here." (Pulls starter rope)
Announcer: (Makes sound
effects of saw running.)
Scoutmaster: "Oh, my
gosh! What on earth is all that noise?"
Cast: Story Teller, Boy,
several characters such as Mom, Dad, Bro, Sis, Drunk, Repairman, Priest,
Clerk, Bus Driver, and so on.
Teller: There once was
a little boy who had a screw instead of a belly button, and was always
curious about it. Finally one day he asks his Mom,
Boy: Mommy, why do I
have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?
Mom: (Brushing him away,)
I don't have time right now. Ask your father.
Teller: The boy goes
to his father and asks him the same question.
(He asks; gets the same
type of answer ("Paying the bills.") He goes around to several people
in the town to whom he is referred by the last person, but always getting
the same type of answer. Finally, he goes to the priest.)
Boy: Father, why do I
have a screw instead of a belly button like everyone else?
Priest: My son, only
God knows of such things. You should pray and ask him.
Boy: Thank you, Father.
(Begins praying.) God, why do I have a screw instead of a belly button
like everyone else?
Teller: All of a sudden,
a big hand appears with a large screwdriver, connects with his screw,
and turns. All of a sudden the boy falls down and hears,
God: The screw is there
to hold you together!
Cub 1: I can lift an elephant
with one hand.
Cub 2: I don't believe you.
Cub 1: Give me an elephant with one hand and I'll show you.
Cub 3: I can bend bars with my bare hands.
Cub 4: Iron bars?
Cub 3: No, chocolate bars.
Cub 5: Why are you jumping up and down?
Cub 6: I took some medicine and forgot to shake well before using.
Number of Participants: 2
(If more are desired, they can be passengers, with suitable sound effects
and actions.)
Props: Seating for pilot
and co-pilot, and for passengers if required. A compass.
Announcer: This scene
is on board a very low budget airline.
Pilot : Well, are we
anywhere near the airport, co-pilot ?
Co-Pilot : (peering out the window) I don't know... I see lights over
there to the port. That's likely it. Bring 'er around and have a look.
Pilot : (lurching plane hard to the left) Boy, I can't tell. I wish
the company would buy us some instruments.
Co-Pilot : (pulling compass from pocket) Oh, I've got my trusty compass
and the sun went down about 20 minutes ago, so we've got to be on course.
(Excited) Look, see that spot down there, that must be it.
Pilot : Okay, here we go. Give me 20 degrees flaps, I'm going in. (Puts
plane into a nose dive, sound effects.)
Pilot : This is going to be tough. Give me more flaps, cut back the
engines. (Louder) More flaps, less throttle !
Co-Pilot : (Appropriate actions and sounds, acting panicky.)
Pilot : QUICK, cut the engines, give me brakes. MORE BRAKES !
Both : (Sighs of relief) We're down, we made it !
Pilot : Boy that was a short runway !
Co-Pilot : (Looking right, then left) Yep, and wide too !
Version 1:
Cast: Announcer, big
boxer, 72 pound weakling, fry pan
Announcer: Ladies and
Gents! May I bring your attention to the center ring where we will have
our main attraction! Little John will be fighting against a new contender,
named Shrimpy! 1-2-3 Go!
They box -- Shrimpy gets
hit this way, that way, is really losing until at the last moment, he
throws one weak punch and Little John falls unconscious.
Announcer: 1! 2! 3! Shrimpy
wins! Now let's look at that in slow motion!
Boxers get up, and the
scene repeats itself slowly in slow motion, and when Shrimpy is throwing
his punch, someone quickly -- and I mean unaffected by slow motion --
runs up and swings the fry pan against Little John's head.
Version 2:
Similar to the above,
but it never gets to the fight. The Announcer is explaining the rules
and says "We'll have none of this!" (kicks Little John in the groin)
"Or this!" (breaks arm over his knee) "Or this!" (kicks in the knees)
"And of course this! is prohibited!" (hits over the head with the fry
pan) "Understood? Good! Go!" And of course one weak punch from Shrimpy
knocks him out.
Cast: Shut Up, Trouble, Police
Officer, Narrator
Setting: Woods, Then a Police Station (as per narration)
Narrator: There once
were a brother and sister called Shut Up and Trouble. They liked to
go on walks together. (SU & T are walking through the woods.) One
day, they were walking along in the woods together and Trouble got lost.
(T walks off; SU looks around but can't find her.) So Shut Up went to
the police station to report a missing person.
Police officer: Can I
help you? What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.
Police Officer: That's a bit impolite. What's your name, boy?
Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.
Police Officer: You should watch your manners, boy. What's your name?
Shut Up: Shut Up, Sir.
Police Officer: Young man, are you looking for trouble?
Shut Up: Yes, Sir, she's lost! Do you know where she is?
Farmer: "Here, chick chick
chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military types come up behind the farmer.
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Corn."
Police: "Fool! There is a shortage of corn!!!"
They beat him up. Oof. Ow.
Police, dragging him away: "Three years in the work camps for you!"
Narrator: Three years
later, ...
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military types come up behind the farmer.
Farmer, standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink dem, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Wheat."
Police: "Fool! There is a shortage of wheat!!!"
They beat him up. Oof. Ow.
Police, dragging him away: "Five years in the work camps for you!"
Narrator: Five years
later, ...
Farmer: "Here, chick chick chick ... Here, chick chick ... chick ..."
Two military types come up behind the farmer.
Farmer, standing up some: "Uh oh ..."
Police: "Comrade! Vat are you Doink!"
Farmer: "I'm feedink my chickens"
Police: "Vat are you Feedink them, Comrade??"
Farmer: "Rubles."
Police: "Rubles? But vy are you feedink them rubles, Comrade?"
Farmer: "They can buy their own food!"
-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins
Cast: 1 Sidewalk Climber.
2 - 3 Passers-by and 2 offstage personnel
Also needed: "Tools"
- Climbing tools or even two tent stakes will work. Long rope
The skit begins with
the "sidewalk climber" lying on his stomach on the floor. (The plastic
garbage bag is used if needed to prevent splinters) The rope is tied
around the climber's waist (like a safety line) and leads offstage (to
the offstage personnel.)
In the climber's hands
are "climbing tools" which can be anything that a climber would use
to climb rocks, or even sticks, it really doesn't matter too much.
The climber simulates
climbing up a rock formation by getting a good hold with his tool and
pulling up (sliding across the floor), then getting a good hold with
the other tool, etc....
1st Passer-by: What in
the world do you think you're doing here?
Climber: "Why, I'm sidewalk
climbing! It's a really dangerous hobby. It takes a lot of strength
and concentration. One mistake and it's all over!" (Continues climbing)
1st Passer-by: "You're
crazy!" (Passer-by walks off.)
Climber: Continues to
make the climbing action across the floor.
2nd P-by: "Hey mister/lady,
what ARE you doing there?"
Climber: "I'm sidewalk
climbing! Not everybody can do this sport. It takes a great deal of
training and strength. One slip and it's all over!"
2nd P-by: "What a nut!"
(The passer-by takes one of the tools and walks off the climber now
has to try to climb with only one tool - makes it look a lot harder.)
Climber: "Oh no! Thank
goodness I still have THIS tool, I think I can still make it!" (Continues
"climbing.")
3rd P-by: "Wow, look
at this weirdo! Just what is it you think you're doing?"
Climber: "I'm SIDEWALK
CLIMBING!" (Climber must grunt out the words due to the extra effort
it takes to climb with only one tool.) "This is a really dangerous sport
and I lost one of my climbing tools. All it takes is one wrong move
and I'm in real trouble!"
3rd P-by: "This is really
dumb! You're just lying on the sidewalk! There's nothing dangerous about
that. Nothing will happen if you slip. Here..... I'll PROVE it to you!"
(Passer-by takes the last tool out of the climber's hand.)
Climber: "Oh No!" (and
tries to hang on to the tool) (Just as the tool is taken out of the
climber's hand, the offstage personnel pull on the rope and pull the
climber out of sight, as the climber yells "Ahhhhhhhhhh.... look what
you've done now!")
3rd P-by: Looks at audience
with a sheepish look on his/her face, shrugs shoulders, and quietly
walks off the stage.
A guy comes on stage singing
in a terrible voice. He acts pompous to a friend saying how is such a
great singer. Friend says that he had better quit because of poor health,
not the singers, but everyone else's.
The six wise travelers came
to a river and discuss ways to get across. One of them sees a boy with
a boat and asks him to take them across. the boy says they can use the
boat, but he will not take them across. The travelers all get in the boat
and it sinks. They scramble out of the river and count themselves, but
do it wrong and come up short a person. This can be done more than once.
They tell the boy if he can find the missing traveler they will give him
a bag of gold. The boy counts them. gets it right, they give him the gold
telling the boy how good he is and that maybe he will grow up to be as
smart as they are. The travelers then jump in and swim across the river.
You will need three scouts
or male scout leaders and one girl scout or lady leader. You can do this
with adults or youngsters, but do not mix adults and youngsters.
The scene is that three
boys are chatting in a group when from the side of the stage, a young
lady walks on, hands in front of her, sleep walking.
She walks up to the first
boy, takes off his tie and walks off taking his tie with her.
1st boy " Hey she's pinched
my tie." (another word for Pinched is stole or took)
2nd boy " It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry shell bring
it back when she wakes up."
The girl walks back and takes the second boys jacket, she walks off
carrying it with her.
2nd boy "Hey she's pinched my jacket."
3rd boy "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, don't worry shell bring
it back, when she wakes up."
The girl walks back still sleep walking, grabs the 3rd boy by the arm
and walks off with him.
3rd boy "It's dangerous to wake sleep walkers, but don't worry shell
bring me back when she wakes up."
-- Thanks to the Australian
Scout Association
Several slug trainers bring
on their trained slug and deposit it in the stage center. The slug is
a person encased in a sleeping bag. On command the slug performs various
trick such rolling over, leaping in the air slightly, etc. A volunteer
is brought from the audience and is told that the slug is trained to crawl
over the human body. The volunteer lays down and the slug crawls across
him leaving a dribble of water or brown cotton balls. The trainers apologize
and exclaim, "Sorry, but our slug isn't potty trained."
A young Eagle candidate is
brought in for his Eagle Board of Review. He is asked if he has completed
all of his required Merit Badges? The scout says, "Well, maybe so and
maybe not".
The Scoutmaster asks
the Scout if he has lived with scout spirit? The scout replies, "Mmmm
... now & then".
Scoutmaster, impatient
now, asks if him where he did his Eagle project and the scout replies
"here and there". The Scoutmaster dismisses the Scout.
The Scout asks "when
will I receive my Eagle award. The Scoutmaster smugly
says, "Oh, sooner or
later."
1st Scout: "Hey George, look
over there, smoke signals".
2nd Scout: "Oh yes Mike, what do they say?"
1st Scout: "Help............My..........Blanket's............On ..........Fire."
A line of Scouts comes on
stage marching. The scout in the back sneezes. The leader turns to the
second in line and asks, "did you sneeze?" The second in line says "no".
The leader says, "liar" and hits the second in line. He falls to the side.
The line of Scouts continues
marching. The scout in the back sneezes.
The leader turns to the
new second in line and asks, "did you sneeze?"
The new second in line
says "no". The leader says, "liar" and hits the second in line. He falls
to the side.
This continues until
there is only the leader and one other Scout. They continue marching.
The other Scout sneezes. The leader turns and says, "did you sneeze?"
The other Scout says, "ahhhh yea". The leader says, "gazoontight" and
pats him on the back.
This skit can be played by
just one person, or you can use two. A person in battle dress falls on
the ground moaning that he is about to die. The orderly kneels over him
frantically trying to record his name for the records. He keeps on asking
his name, but he is in too much pain to bother with his name and keeps
on asking for help. In desperation the orderly tells the soldier that
he is dying and that he needs his name to tell his mother. The soldier
reply that his mother already knows his name.
Props: Blankets and rope
to make Monk's Cassock.
Friar: Good morning,
everyone.
Monks: Good morning.
Friar: For our Matin, we are going to practice chanting. All together
now, repeat after me: (Chanting) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Monks: (Rather raggedly) Morning, morning, mor-or-ning.
Friar: Not bad, but we need to get more feeling and rhythm into it.
Let's try again. (A couple more attempts are made, each one better,
then on the third try it sounds excellent, but one Monk chants loud
and clear, "Ev-en-ning".)
Friar: Cut, Cut ! What was that ?
Brother Daniel: What's wrong, Friar ? I thought it sounded good.
Friar: (Breaking into song) Someone Chanted Evening !
A quick 2-person skit,
if the Storyteller, the Lost Scoutmaster or last minute volunteers do
the sound effects.
Cast: Storyteller, Bird,
Frog, Tree, Breeze, Lost Scoutmaster
Storyteller is telling
the story to the campfire crowd, while the other actors, with the exception
of the Lost Scoutmaster, have the option to hide in the woods, sit in
the crowd, or stand beside the story teller. I suggest the first, for
effect. The Lost Scoutmaster, however, must hide in the woods.
Storyteller: You know,
I love camping. It's not like being in the city at all. You hear sounds
that you can only hear out in the country. For instance, lots of birds.
(Bird chirps a lot, sings a bird song.) Ah, isn't that lovely? And the
frogs. They have one of those great sounds. (Frog calls out ribbit sounds.)
And though there's breeze in the city, it's just not the same as the
breeze in the country. (Light breeze being called out.) Let's face it;
there are trees in the city, but how many? The breeze through a forest
is so nice (Light breeze, slight swishing of the trees.) But the sound
I love to hear the most when I go camping is the sound of the Lost Scoutmaster.
(Heavy thumping of the feet; calls out, "Where in the world am I?")
Four or five Scouts enter
the stage (more can be accommodated) and stand facing the audience. The
announcer explains to the audience, "If you listen quietly you can hear
the sounds of the wilderness: the birds" (one Scout whistles a bird song,
then stops).
The announcer continues:
"... or the deer" (another Scout makes swishing sounds like a deer traveling
through the brush, then stops).
The announcer continues:
"... or the bear" (another Scout growls).
And so on, for as many
Scouts has you have on stage.
Finally, the announcer
says, "And if you are very, very quiet, you can hear the sound of the
lost Boy Scout..." From offstage, you hear, "HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GUYS?"
-- Thanks to The Leader
Magazine, November 1992
The director tunes up the
orchestra or chorus and they begin to make music. One by one each player
hits a sour note. Each time the director gets upset and throws the player
offstage. Repeat until only the accompanist and the director is left.
The director then turns to the accompanist and begins a solo. The director
hits a sour note and the accompanist jumps up and throws the director
off stage coming back on stage with a smug look on his face, bows to the
audience and exits.
While Cub Master is doing
the pack meeting Two adults enter. They are wearing coveralls and motorcycle
helmets. They carry their jet (made from an eight foot piece of Styrofoam
and set it by the derby track They pay no attention to what Dan is saying..
Cub Master: " Excuse
me, gentlemen, EXCUSE ME GENTLEMEN!!!"
This gets First adult's attention and he taps Second adult on the shoulder.
They both turn and face Cub Master like men from Devo.
Cub Master: "What are you two trying to do?"
Both Second adult and First adult make flying motions with their arms.
Cub Master: "Oh you two think you are going flying do ya?"
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist
up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "Which one of you is the pilot?"
First adult raises his hand.
Cub Master: "What does the other guy do?"
Second adult make the sign of the cross and put his hands together to
pray.
Cub Master: "Oh you pray huh? Do either of you two have any flying experience?"
First adult and Second adult pull out paper airplanes from their coveralls
and fly them.
Cub Master: "Is that the only experience you have.
Both Second adult and First adult nod their bodies yes from the waist
up. They butt heads??
Cub Master: "I'm afraid I am going to have to see your flying permits
before I let you take off on our course."
First adult and Second adult look at each other, dig through their pockets,
then look at Cubmaster and shrug.
Cub Master: "Well if you don't have any permits you know what that means
don't you?"
First adult and Second adult wave good bye and pick up their airplane
and leave.
Cub Master: "Yes it means good-bye and don't forget to file your flight
permit before you come back.
"I am King, squire, and I
need you to bring me my special papers."
Bringing in some diplomatic
looking things "Here are your papers, sire."
"Fool! These are not
my special papers. Off with his head! Squire two, bring me my special
papers! Do not fail!"
Bringing in a Wall Street
Journal "Here are your special papers, sire"
"Fool! These are not
my special papers. To the dungeons with him! Squire three, bring me
my special papers!"
Bringing him a roll of
toilet paper "Here are the special papers, sire"
"And just in time!" The
king grabs the toilet paper and runs offstage.
-- Thanks to Bob Jenkins
Contestants have numbers
on their shirts and the judges have badges to distinguished them from
the contestants. Need a list of spelling words, toy guns (or hand if necessary)
and a trophy. There are two judges and four contestants. Judge #1 asks
are you ready for the annual spelling contest. The contestants say yes
and Judge #2 tells them good luck and let's begin. The first contestant
steps forward misses the word and is shot by the judge. Second contestant
steps forward, spells the word, the judges confer, answering right. The
third contestant spells the word wrong and is shot. Contestant #4 comes
forward spells his word, the judges confer, say he is wrong and one raises
the gun to shoot him. Contestant #4 tells the judge wait, he is sure the
word is spelled right. The judges confer again, say the contestant is
right and they are wrong and shoot themselves. Contestants #2 and #4 say
that they guess that means they both win and walk off together with the
trophy.
Characters: Bud the pitcher,
Bill, the reporters, Shorty the catcher, Gentleman from Australia, Other
visiting gentlemen, Two flashlight operators.
Scene: Practice field.
The front stage is very dimly lit. Across the back is a sheet or lightweight
curtain through which a light can shine.
The success of the stunt
depends on the ability of the pitcher, catcher, and flashlight operators
to coordinate their movements. The pitcher pantomimes a throw. When
he says, "There," a flashlight operator turns on his light and makes
it shine through the screen. The light moves along the screen to resemble
the flight of the ball. The catcher pretends to catch the ball, and
the flashlight goes off. The movement may or may not mimic the flight
of that kind of ball in a real game.
Bud comes on stage, in
front of the curtain. Bill steps up to him, followed by all the visiting
Gentlemen.
Bill: Hi, Bud.
Bud: Hi, Bill.
Bill: Gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Bud, the greatest pitcher in America.
Bud: Oh, come on, Bill!
Bill: It's true. Bud, these gentlemen represent the world wide athletic
association. They wanted to see the greatest American pitcher, so I
brought them right to you.
Bud: Well, I am flattered.
Bill: This is Mr. Grossman from Australia, Mr. Blackwell from England,
etc. (Add as many names and countries as you need. Each shakes hands
with Bud and then steps away.)
Grossman: Excuse me, sir. We have heard about the different ways you
pitch ball. Would you demonstrate a few balls for us?
Bud: Glad to. Have a seat. (points to a row of seats and they sit.)
Gentlemen: Thank you.
Bud: Shorty?
Shorty: (appearing) Yes, Bud?
Bud: What shall I start with, Bill?
Bill: Start with your fast ball.
Bud: O.K. a fast ball. There! (light darts across screen, quickly. Gentlemen
cheer.)
Bill: A slow ball.
Bud: O.K. a slow ball. There! (light moves very slowly across screen.
Cheer.)
Bill: A curve ball.
Bud: O.K. a curve ball. There! (light moves in a fancy curve. Cheer)
Bill: A knuckle ball.
Bud: O.K. a knuckle ball. There! (light moves in a zig zag line. Cheer.)
Bill: How about a sinker?
Bud: O.K. here comes a sinker. There! (light glides along waist- high,
then drops into mitt. Cheer.)
Grossman: Pardon me sir. I have heard about your split ball. Could you
please show us?
Bud: Certainly. A split ball. There! (The two flashlights start together.
They seem to separate, one high, one low on the screen. Then just as
they near Shorty, they come together.)
Every one cheers, pats
Bud on the back as they all exit.
Cook'm and Eat'm that
is what our Troop does!
A mamma bear (or other
large carnivore) enters a butcher shop. She asks the butcher what he
has special today.
Storekeeper: "Road kill
possum, only $.50/LB"
Mamma Bear: "No thanks what else?"
Storekeeper: "Fresh venison $1.00/LB"
Mamma Bear: "No thanks, had that last week."
Proceed through several
more choices each slightly more expensive than the last. The shopper
refuses each one.
Storekeeper: "How about
some fresh Boy Scout, $30.00/LB"
Mamma Bear: "Thirty dollars a pound? Why so expensive?"
Storekeeper: "Did 'ya ever try to clean one?"
-- Thanks to Dan O'Canna
Lexington, KY USA
Gather to the front of the
group some people to be trees, birds, and babbling brooks. Then ask for
a volunteer to be the most important part, the hero. When he comes to
the front, have him run among the trees. Have a little narrative and then
say; "Maybe the rest of you wonder when we know it's spring; that's easy,
because the sap is running through the tress."
A one person skit that
is one of my perennial favorites, and another one of those repetitive
skits.
Cast: Poet, Grass, Flowers,
Birds, Frogs, 3 Trees, Victim
Setting: A Poetry Reading Session
DO NOT READ THIS POEM
IN ITS ENTIRETY; READ IT LINE BY LINE AS INSTRUCTED; AT EACH STOP, GET
YOUR VOLUNTEERS!
Spring is sprung,
The grass is growing,
The flowers are blooming,
the birds are singing,
And the froggies are ribbitting.
The leaves on the trees are growing,
And the sap is running through the trees.
The poet is standing
in front of the crowd and announces his ode to spring.
Poet: This is my latest
poem, called Sp-ring is Sp-rung. (A great place to ham it up, by lengthening
out all the "r" & "l" words.)
Reads out the first line
and proceeds to the next -- stops at "the grass..."
Poet: Hmm. I need some
grass to demonstrate. (Get "grass.") Here, do just like this (crouch
down; hands over head, put together pointing up, then stand up slowly.)
Now, let's start again.
Starts again, the grass
grows on cue, and gets to third line -- stops after blooming.
Poet: I need at least
one flower. (Get "flower.") You would be a great help. Just like the
grass, only make a circle with your hands instead when you're standing
up.
Starts again, grass grows,
flower blooms, gets to the fourth line, just before the word "birds"
and of course stops.
Poet: I need a couple
of birds. (Get "birds.") On cue, you will chirp like birds, and perhaps
flap your arms.
He starts again, gets
to the frogs, hits his head with his hand,
Poet: I forgot the frogs.
(Get "frogs.") You guys know how to jump like frogs and go "ribbitt?"
Good. Remember, on cue.
Yet again, he starts
from the beginning, and guess what happens when he gets to the trees?
You got it, Pontiac -- he gets 3 trees, spreads them a few feet apart
and instructs them to lift out their arms like tree branches, and wiggling
their fingers, of course on cue.
Poet: I think I may have
it right this time.
Once more from the top
he goes, and BEFORE he starts the last line, he gets the victim,
Poet: Oops, I forgot
the last person. (Get your victim now.) Now on cue, you will simply
run back and forth between these here trees. Got it? Great.
Once more he goes through
the poem and gets through it all the way.
A scout walks to the center
of the campfire looking up at the sky, keeping his head and neck very
still. Soon he is joined by another scout and then another and so on.
Each scout looks around and then begins to look toward the sky. The last
scout enters and asked the scout next to him, "what are we looking at.
He answers "I don't know." and then that scout asked the next until the
question and get to the original scout. The original scout replies: "I
don't know. I've got a stiff neck!"
Announcer: Here we see St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates.
Ian : (Walks up to St.
Peter) Hello, St. Peter. I see I've come to Heaven.
St. Peter: Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how
you suffered on Earth.
Ian : Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
St. Peter: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Ian exits dejectedly.)
Doug : (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
St. Peter: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?
Doug : I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
St. Peter: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Doug
exits)
Brad : (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
St. Peter: How did you suffer ?
Brad : I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class,
etc.)
St. Peter: Well, come on in !!
A good alternative is
to have a Museum of Working History, the last person being a window washer,
and uses a pump spray. No mess.
Cast: Tour Guide, Group
of Tourists (optional), 1 Victim, Statues, Aquaman Statue with mouthful
of water
Setting: Statue Museum (or Warehouse of Old, Unused Statues)
Guide: Welcome to the
museum of Superheroes. We have an unique collection of statues in that
you can press a button and the statues come alive to imitate their real
life counterparts. See here, for instance. This is Superman. Watch as
I push the button on his chest.
Superman comes out of
stiff standing position and takes a flying position, then resumes a
stiff standing position. Guide continues through the tour, occasionally
letting someone try the statues of Spiderman, the Flash, Batman, Wonderwoman,
each with a different action and way of activating them (pull arm, press
nose, and so on.) Finally they get to Aquaman.
Guide: Now this is our
last statue; Aquaman is our pride and joy. However, it seems that sometimes
it just won't activate. Better let me try first. (Pulls arm. Nothing.
"Aquaman," he whispers. He tries the arm again. Nothing.) (To victim)
You, Sir? Would you like to try? He's rather finicky. Maybe he'll work
if you try.
Victim tries and Aquaman
spits out a mouthful of water at him.
The scene opens with a statue
(boy, standing still) posed as a famous statue such as The Thinker or
The Discus Thrower. Another person introduces himself as Dr. Arthritic
Kneecap of the University of Amputation and Mutilation. He talks about
having discovered a formula to revitalize calcium deposits; even would
work on this statue he says. The doctor pours the bottle on the statue
and it slowly comes to life. The statue and the professor talk about being
alive. The doctor then asks the statue what is the first thing you want
to do. The statue says that he wants to kill 5,000 pigeons with his bare
hands.
A cute play on French
accents & associated puns -- a real groaner. Some sort of French accent
greatly adds to the credibility of the skit. By the way, what does the
C H on the Canadians' shirts mean? Center Hice!
Cast: General Montcalm,
Sergeant-Major, Captain, Sergeant, Private
Setting: French base in Quebec City during Montcalm's and Wolfe's historical
confrontation
General Montcalm, wanting
to know what General Wolfe was up to and what his position was, decided
to send out some reconnaissance.
General Montcalm: (To
Sergeant-Major) Send out a Scout to see what General Wolfe's troops
are p to!
Sergeant Major: (To Private)
Find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to!
Private goes off, then
a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on
to his life.
Sergeant Major: (To Private)
What's wrong? Did you find anything about Wolfe's troops?
Private: (In raspy, dying
voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
Sergeant Major: Inexperienced
fool! (To Sergeant) Find out what General Wolfe's troops are up to!
Captain goes off, then
a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on
to his life.
Sergeant Major: (To Sergeant)
What's wrong? What's Wolfe's position?
Sergeant: (In raspy,
dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
Sergeant Major: He obviously
wasn't inconspicuous enough! (To Captain) Find out what General Wolfe's
troops are up to!
Sergeant goes off, then
a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging on
to his life.
Sergeant Major: (To Captain)
What's wrong? What's Wolfe doing?
Captain: (In raspy, dying
voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
Sergeant Major: What's
wrong with you people? I guess I'll have to find out what General Wolfe's
troops are up to myself!
Sergeant Major goes off,
then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging
on to his life.
General Montcalm: (To
Sergeant Major) What's wrong? What are General Wolfe's troops up to?
Sergeant Major: (In raspy,
dying voice) Bacon Tree! (And he dies.)
General Montcalm: What's
this Bacon tree? I guess I'll have to find out what General Wolfe's
troops are up to myself!
General Montcalm goes
off, then a moment later comes limping back, injured, just barely clinging
on to his life.
General Montcalm: (In
a raspy, dying voice) Those fools! That was no Bacon Tree! That was
a Hambush! (And he dies.)
Get one volunteer from the
audience and the den/patrol lines up sitting in a straight line with the
volunteer at the end. The scout in front (Captain) looks through his periscope
and yells, "Enemy Ship!" which is repeated down the line. The Captain
then issues the following commands which are repeated down the line: "Fire
Torpedo One!...."We Missed!"...."Fire Two!"..."We Missed!"...."Fire Three!"...."We
Missed Again, You Blockhead"...."Enemy Torpedo Coming our Way!"...."We've
Sprung a Leak"....as the last command is repeated the next to the last
person throws hidden confetti on the last person in line; the volunteer.
All the Scouts are standing
in a line one behind the next. Each time the first boy says his line to
the second boy. The second boy repeats it to the third. This continues
until it reaches the last boy in the back. The boy in the back then replies.
This message gets relayed to the front in a similar fashion.
First to last- Lower
periscope (last boy flips a switch)
Last to first- Periscope lowered (first boy turns his hat backwards
and looks through periscope)
First to last- Fire torpedo 1 (last boy flips a switch)
Last to first- Torpedo 1 away.
First to last- We missed.
Last to first- Darn!
First to last- Fire torpedo 2 (last boy flips a switch)
Last to first- Torpedo 2 away (All the boys get into a football huddle,
arms interlocked)
All together- "We sunk a rowboat! We sunk a rowboat!"
Another 2-person skit
you can use on the spur of the moment, if you just so happen to have the
props, the main ones being the raincoat and drawings.
Cast: Story teller, Victim,
appropriate sound effects & Helpers, raincoat, cup of water
Storyteller: I need a
volunteer to take submarine training. (Put victim under the coat and
hold up an arm of the coat to use as a periscope.) Now to be a good
submarine captain, you must be able to use the periscope. So let's practice
a bit. Can you see the fire? How about those tents? The table? The moon?
The stars? (Continue until (s)he becomes proficient.) Let's start our
mission. You are the captain of this fine submarine, the S.S. Kaput.
You are to bring it about on maneuvers and sink enemy ships. So here
we go, in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Oh! Here comes an enemy
ship to the right! Can you see him? (Show a drawing of a ship.) Blow
him up! (When he fires, sink the ship.) Good going! Now turn the submarine
to port, and then to starboard (Left & right.) Oh, Oh -- there's
a storm brewing. (Shake him a bit.) Do you see that Island? Try to go
there to seek cover. Can you see the waves? My, aren't they big? And
they're crashing against the rocks! What a big storm! Can you see it?
Can you see the waves? No? (Pour the water down the arm.)
Five or six fishermen sit
on the end of the dock (chairs), casting and winding in their lines. One
fisherman is catching all the fish: the others have no luck. In turn,
the unlucky ones ask the successful fisherman why he's doing so well.
Each time, he mumbles a reply without opening his mouth, and nobody can
tell what he is saying. When the last person asks the question, the successful
fisherman sighs, spits into his hand, and says, "You have to keep the
worms warm."
Once done at a campfire
and it went smoothly. Then when it was finished, the author was exiting
the stage and accidentally kicked over a lantern. Eerily appropriate,
wouldn't you say?
Cast: Super Clutz, Little
Kid, 3 People
Setting: City Street
Super Clutz is wearing
a jacket for a cape, inside out shirt, inside out shorts, backwards
hat, etc.
Little Kid: (Crying)
Super Clutz! Can you help me? I've lost a quarter!
Super Clutz: OK. I'll
try my best! (Walks around on streets, looking to ground for quarter.)
Man: (Calling out from
burning building) Super Clutz! The building is on fire! Help Me!
Super Clutz: Sorry, I'm
busy! (Walks around some more.)
Woman: (Being mugged)
Help me, Super Clutz! They've taken my purse!
Super Clutz: Sorry! I'm
busy! (Walks around some more.)
Man: (From wrecked car)
Super Clutz! Get me out of here before the car blows up!
Super Clutz: Sorry! I'm
busy!
Little kid runs up to
him.
Kid: Super Klutz! I found
my quarter! It was in my pocket all the time!
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