Scouting Humor

       Scouting is fun -- it is intended to be fun -- even for adult leaders. Here are some tidbits of Scouting Humor. If you have any Scouting stories, tributes or humor, send it my way and I'll include it here.

You might be a Scout if... have holes in the pockets of your jeans from carrying a pocket knife.
... you begin to think half frozen french fries, don't taste all that bad. keep a bucket of water by your side while cooking dinner. spontaneously break into strange songs in public. can stare at a spider web for an hour, and not notice the time passing. carry your own toilet paper wherever you go. always read by a flashlight.
...your radio is always tuned to the weather station. horde tent stakes. wear 2 pairs of socks to bed. keep a lantern hanging outside your bathroom door. sleep under a trash bag. cannot walk by a piece of trash without picking it up. carry a dufflebag size first aide kit in your car. always have hat hair. continue to wear it until it stands on it's own.'re always counting how many matches you have left. tie up your little brother, and he can't get loose. know all the words to Little Bunny Foo-Foo, but can't remember your homework. see paint samples in a store and immediately want to name things in nature with the same colors.
...your pots and pans are all black. roast mini marshmallows on a paper clip over a candle, put it on a golden graham with one square of chocolate, just to get the flavor. always cook enough food for twelve.
...all your clothes smell like pickles (from the bucket).
...pie iron pizzas is the best meal you've had all week. always have a cup hooked to your belt.
...all your dishes have little pieces of egg stuck on them. own little bits of every color felt. open letters with a pocket knife. have something on your shoe...and you're sure it's only mud. eat ants on a log and like it. wear bread bags on your feet. know 365 one pot meals.
...when opening large gifts you survey the box wondering if you have a piece of foil large enough to cover it. buy your shampoo in little tiny bottles. order pizzas 14 at a time. have the urge to help little old ladies...whether they want it or not.
...everything in your cupboard says "Instant, just add water".
...your neighbors hide when they see you going door to door with "that order form" again. have to go to the restroom and you start looking for a buddy. really do use those emergency sewing kits. go to someone's house for dinner, don't like the food, and ask if they have peanut butter and jelly.
... you tie your shoe and check the handbook to see if it can go toward earning a badge. see a pile of rocks and immediately put them in a circle. know 100 uses for a bandana.
...all your shirts have pin holes in them. wear thongs in the shower. actually own the book, "How to Sh*t in the Woods". have a collection of used candles and dryer lint.
...someone asks for a volunteer and you find your hand is already in the air.
...your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.

-- Thanks to Lisa Varner

Your Might Be Taking Scouting Too Seriously If ...

You buy that '89 Chevy Caprice because you really like that fleur de lis hood ornament.
Your favorite color is "olive drab."
You decide to lash together the new deck on the back of your house.
You plan to serve foil meals at your next dinner party.
You walk the streets in broad daylight with a coffee cup and flashlight hanging from your belt.
You raise your hand in the scout sign at a heated business meeting.
You were arrested by airport security because you wouldn't give up your official BSA pocket knife until the cop said "thank you."
You didn't mind losing power to your house for three days.
Your son hides his copy of Boy's Life from you.
Your plans for remodeling the bathroom include digging the hole deeper.
You trade your 25 foot center console fishing boat in on that great litter 15 foot canoe.
Your favorite movie is "Follow Me Boys" staring Fred MacMurry, and you spent months trying to convince Disney to release it on home video.
You managed to find that 8th day in the week.
Your patron saint is Ward Cleaver.
You disconnect the automatic dishwasher in favor of the "3 pot method."
You sneak a cup of "bug juice" after the troop turns in for the night.
You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together.
Latrines at camp start becoming comfortable.
You felt you won a moral victory when BSA brought back knee socks.
You think campaign hats are cool.
You gave your wife a mummy bag rated for -15 degrees F for Christmas.
You name one of your kids Baden.
Your favorite tune is "Camp Granada" (hello mudda....hello fadda) by Allen Sherman.
You can recite the 12 points of the Scout Law backwards, in order, in 3 seconds flat.
You bought 10,000 shares of Coleman stock on an inside tip they were about to release a microwave accessory for their camp stove line.
You can't eat eggs anymore unless they are cooked in a zip-locked bag.
You plan to get rich by writing a best selling Dutch Oven cook book.
You took a chemistry course at a local college to help you develop a better fire starter.
You actually own a lift-handed smoke shifter.
The height of your social season is the district recognition dinner.
A trip to Philmont is a pilgrimage.
You are convinced the center of the universe is Irving, Texas.
The sales operators at the BSA distribution Center's 800 number recognize your voice.
Singing Scout Vespers makes you cry.
You were disappointed when Scouting magazine didn't win the Pulitzer Prize last year.
The Scouts in your troop chipped in to have you abducted by a professional cult de-programmer.

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